Whilst working Wednesday, my phone rang. I picked up it up, and was astonished to see it was finally my mother, hopefully returning my calls, as I'd called her every day for the past week. Even more so, I was concerned that maybe she'd forgotten it was my birthday the last Wednesday, and was simply calling to wish me a belated one.
So, my hopes were like shot down instantaneously as I picked up the phone saying, "Hello!" I heard some background noise. After a few more attempts to establish some sort of communication between myself and my caller, I realized, unfortunately, that it was a butt-dial.
I don't know, man. What am I supposed to do when, once again, my parents are more than likely alienating me, ignoring me, and practically despising me because of what I'm doing politically? In fact, after tonight's conversation (I finally got my mom on the phone after a few phone calls and texts from my younger sister), they'll probably double their efforts to avoid me because I openly informed her I wasn't going to Catholic Mass (she asked me if this was so, probably to establish whether she outta pray for my soul or not). And even better, I suggested my dad and I should meet up and have a beer (since I can do that now, legally, anyway), and she was like, "Oh yeah, that's great..." but no "Happy Birthday!"
I mean, I guess it's not that big of a deal. A lot of my old friends from high school or the past in general failed to remember (and I've probably forgotten theirs, too), so who cares. I guess it's just that she's my mom and I expected that.
Speaking of first drinks, my girlfriend's dad bought me the first one. And he also helped me move. Twice. In the past week. Both times after working all day. That guy is probably the coolest guy I've met, and I've learned more about cars, carrying fridges up a flight of stairs, and random stuff from him than anyone else.
Not to put down my own dad, because he did send me a Happy Birthday text a day before mine. It could have been because I forgot his birthday, and texted him a day before his. Sorry, dad. But you did delete me on Facebook for the... third time? Like any member of my generation, it is imperative that we are Facebook buddies for me to remember that stuff.
So what do I do? I'm failing my parents politically, religiously, and just failing them in life in general. Do I convert back to Catholicism? Do I jump ship from this campaign and follow the other candidate blindly?
I don't think so, though. I've written posts like this in the past on one of my former blog sites, and people got upset about it. I guess I shouldn't openly talk negatively about my parents. But I'm not.
Because that's the thing. My mom didn't forget my birthday. She texted my sister the other night like, "What'd Abe do for his bday." And they have every reason to hate me, I guess. I'm not Catholic anymore. I'm not a Schilling follower. I'm therefore the worst kid in the world to them.
And that's the other thing. I care to the point that it upsets me slightly that I lose 30 minutes of sleep over it. But I have justifications for every single thing I've done. You guys might not want to sit down and hear me out; you'd rather believe the candidate I'm working for is a spawn of Satan, and that I'm so lost and off-track for not attending Catholic Mass every Sunday, but that's your problem.
I'm content. I'm working, I'm paying my bills, and I'm doing something to contribute to society (hopefully). Dad, you said before my senior year, I'd either end up dying in the streets, starving, or getting a girl pregnant (or something like that, or all three, but not in that particular order). And I think you even said that Victor was going to wind up in a body bag after attending Boot Camp with the USMC. Well, I'm still here. And none of that is true, however I am hungry for some waffles. And Victor just returned from Afghanistan, alive and well.
This post does have a point, because I don't believe either of my parents will read this. LOL.
My point is this, guys: do what you believe in. Obviously, think things through. But if it makes sense in your head and your heart is in it, just do it. There are so many people out there who might not believe in you. Hell, they might even be counting on you to fail. But if Martin Luther King Jr. or Abraham Lincoln let their peers talk them out of doing some of the things they did, Obama might not be President, or this country might be torn in two.
And that's how I get by. When the two people in this world, who behind all this tough-guy, angry, and proud prose, I want more than anything to be proud of me, are probably the furthest thing from that, I just keep telling myself: "Someday, someday."
If I fail, at least I'll be able to say I tried. And those who stood with me, I know are my true family and friends.
And I carry on because I've prayed about this, laid awake at night thinking about it, and spent so much time pondering everything I've done in the past few years. And I believe that two people who have literally had the least amount of involvement in my life since I was 17 can't tell me where I belong, or what my dreams should be.
So guys, pursue your dreams, yo. Reach for the stars despite what the majority says. Go against the grind. Take the path less traveled.
And I could be wrong. I could be dead wrong. But I'm going to make that decision, and I'll deal with the consequences, if any. I don't need anyone else to choose for me, or force me to choose the way they want me to.
Because I am me. I am Abe. And I do what I want, b***h. As Jesse Pinkman would say.
Despite all the disappointment the first 75% of this post contains, I will tell you that I love both of my parents to death. I appreciate all they did for me up until I turned 17. I must say though, that I've grown more in the past 4 years than I did in the other 17. And I am sorry you guys weren't a huge part of it. And I am sorry I've proven to be such a disappointment.
But someday. Someday.
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