Death of the Internet

 

This might be something that means very little to you, and a lot of people claim it's the least of our worries.  Part of my job this election cycle is to manage a victory center during which we ID people based on their important issues and where they stand with who they want to elect.  Net neutrality has never come up.  Regardless, this is something that would affect you more regularly than an income tax increase, minimum wage changes, or US involvement in Iraq again.  I don't want to say the death of net neutrality outweighs any of those other problems.  All I'm saying is that it will dramatically affect you if this goes the way our cable companies want it to go.  Net neutrality is about to be

What is net neutrality?  What it means is that all of our cable and telecom companies must provide open networks to their customers.  It means that your ISP should not be allowed to block, slow down--basically discriminate against--any website, applications, or content accessed via their networks.  This all originated with your phone company back when this was a huge deal decades ago; AT&T, Comcast, and other home phone services cannot legally block numbers or decide who you can can't call, and what you can or can't say while calling.  That same principle and law should (and for now still does) apply to your ISP.

If net neutrality is murdered--and primarily in order to bring these ISPs more profit and force content providers and applications to have to pay more, or force consumers to pay more for an internet fast-lane--then the internet will die with it.  Net neutrality ensures that everyone can communicate and roam freely online.

Besides increasing costs to content providers and consumers to access that content, net neutrality also allows equal access to consumers for small businesses and innovators.  In fact, net neutrality enables people to find, access, and browse this very blog at the same speed and ability as they can with ThoughtCatalog.com, which is a huge website with hundreds of writers (something this blog will probably never become).

Internet should not become pay-to-play.  Your ISP has no right to control what you view or how quickly you can view it.  The internet as we know it today stands at risk if new neutrality is eliminated.

Starting on May 15 of this year, the FCC proposed a rules that could undermine net neutrality.  It would enable companies like AT&T, Comcast, and Verizon to be able to create a tiered system online; a slow lane for most people, and a fast lane for people who can afford paying fees to access content faster.  Those companies would also be able to select websites they wanted their customers to have access to, and discriminate against websites that either didn't pay enough or that they simply disliked for whatever reasons.  (A good example is how Comcast owns NBC, and they would make things their content more accessible while other networks would be significantly slower if not inaccessible.)

After a lot of people disagreed with the FCC's proposal, they left one option on the table to preserve net neutrality.  This move would reclassify the internet as a common carrier under the Communications Act (so ISPs would be held to the same standards as cellular and home phone setups).  After September 15 (so Monday of next week), the FCC is closing their comment period for us to weigh in on its proposal.

What can you do?  Share this blog post to share awareness.  And sign up.  I know a lot of people don't do this kind of stuff, but with me being in a bit of web development, running my own website, and basically using the internet every single day, this matters just as much to me as winning these races I'm working on and all the other political stuff I'm doing.  We have five days to help turn this around.  I'm sorry I got around to this so late.  Please get involved.  It only takes a few minutes to fill this out and stand with the Team Internet.  Don't be that person in 2015 who gets on their computer and smartphone and wonders why the internet is the way it is.

Non Omnis Moriar

 

I recently published a post that a bunch of people really liked, even if they weren’t necessarily mentioned in it.  Consider it more of a thank you letter to all those people who have impacted me over the years, and a public recognition of the idea that I wouldn’t exist as I am today without those people.  In fact, for a select few of them, I wouldn’t exist at all, if it weren’t for them.

I’ve realized that such a blog post is the perfect precursor for a topic I’ve been dying to write about, but I could honestly never figure out how, and I couldn’t conjure enough creativity or effort to publish a prose dedicated specifically to that topic, but here it is.  I suppose a late night at the office, my fair share of liquor and the feelings brought on by my team’s victory in week one, all coupled with the vast amount of peace and focus from the past few days are inspiration enough.

Whether you’re religious or if you choose not to believe in anything at all, we all wonder.  At least one point in each of our lives, the curiosity peaks and we question what happens after we die.  What remains?  Some of us choose to live our lives in a way that upon our passing, we leave a permanent if not lasting mark on the world and the people around us.  Sometimes it’s out of fear of the inevitability that we all are going to die someday and how people before us have figured out a way to remain immortal through memories.  But how?  And will we be remembered?

You could become a great football player and lead the nation in touchdown passes and all sorts of other records.  Eventually, though, someone is going to surpass that and take your place.  You can be an artist or a brilliant architect, but music and paintings are still and are blurred out by other rising geniuses of your like; buildings and monuments eventually turn to rubble and are generally only temporarily appreciated before they accumulate dust or are forgotten.  People remember paintings by Picasso and wonder at ancient structures.  But that’s all they are; framed pictures on a wall of a museum or ruins that have survived erosion and atrophy.  Most people know only very little (if anything) about the artist himself or the authors of the blueprints for structures we’re exploring.

A number of people have expressed their great concern for the future.  Few have been disconcerted by their legacy once they part from this earth, and but most are anxious about the next few years of our adult lives.  Pardon me, but I’m going to digress into my thoughts on the future, just for a moment.

I have always been an advocate for hope.  I used to always surrender to fear’s tempting offer to give in and live my live cautiously and carefully, and then hope for the best.  Hope is good.  Hope can motivate an oppressed people to overthrow a tyrannical government (on their own, of course, and without any interference from obstructive governments like the US, lol).  Hope can keep people hanging on in struggling and sometimes failing relationships, praying and striving for resolutions and better days.  Hope can keep people in the fight against our bodies’ failings and struggles, well beyond our capacity to handle or sometimes statistically survive.  Hope is walking through the fire.

Faith is leaping over it.  Not just an I-believe-in-God kind of faith, but faith in general.  Again, hope is fine and dandy, but it’ll only get you so far.  Have faith in yourself.  Have faith in everything you’re capable of.  The future is scary.  And sometimes our pasts are even scarier.  But we can only control the present.  And we can control how much of a factor fear and anxiety will play in what we choose to do next.

Faith is more risky than hope, I’d say.  Hope is expectantly waiting for the best.  And faith is like being a little more proactive and chasing the best.  Fear, again, will convince us that we’ll miss chances or that we’ll fail if we take a risk.  But life will always open doors.  Life will shut doors.  Life will also open up windows.  And other doors.  Life has lots of windows and doors, apparently.  But that’s the fascinating thing about life is that there is always another possibility.  Do not fear for the future because scariest thing is that you might wake up and realize you didn’t do enough or that you didn’t take all the chances you were given.  Live life loudly, and boldly.  And if you mess up, fail, or miss your mark, get up and try again because unlike when you get checkmated in chess and you lose, life is kind of like a game that never ends, and it just simply carries on.  You have to work up a mentality and attitude where you’re going to shoot for what you want and work for it.  Do what’s within your ability and if it doesn’t work out, carry on.  Remember, lots of windows and doors, because the opportunities and possibilities in life are limitless.

And that will allow me to end my digression and return to my primary point concerning legacy, because you’re limitless, too.  You can live a life where you make all the right moves and you’re winning in almost every aspect.  But at the end of the day, it matters little.  Almost everything you gain in life—all the money, the rewards, and materials—will decay and rot just as quickly as your lifeless body will at the end of that life.

Because what you do can be measured, judged, and diminished.  But who you are is something that’s almost unfathomable.  See, you are more than the choices you make, the skin you’re apparently limited to, and the money you’ll earn.  Who you are, while you might be confident—faithful, even—in, goes beyond all of that.  There is a light in each of us that no longer is just a distraction but something so compelling if we choose not to let ego question if we’re good enough and fear persuade us into just awkwardly glowing.  This light is representative of how we love, how we wonder at the world, and how we live.

How do we shine brighter? Adults, mentors, and heroes in your life will typically tell you something just like what’s to follow here: the greatest thing you can do in life is giving oneself to and loving others.  And that’s how you break beyond boundaries and become eternal and limitless.

I invite you—in fact, I dare you—to live a life where you not only seek rewards and make decisions for the survival and benefit of yourself, but that you actively live one where you give to others.  I’m not just talking about dumping ice on your head and donating to the ALS ice bucket challenge or volunteering a few hours at an animal shelter.  I’m suggesting that you love the world not just as you want to be loved, but with every bit of strength you have and to the absolute extent of your abilities. Jim Carrey said that the effect you have on others is the most valuable currency there is.   And he’s right.  Of course he’s right.

Serve the world, and when you part from it, do your best to leave it better than it was when you came into it.

My writing, my silly and pathetic attempts at music, and the investments and time I spend in politics will be bested by others and even forgotten.  But how I impact the people I interact with has the potential to change and last a lot longer than I will.  The effects I have on others have the potential to outlast all I do.

This blog is almost more of a distraction to most.  However, I hope—no, I have faith—that how I love and live and maybe the words in this post can actually be compelling and rise beyond just a simple combination of thoughts, ideas, and words that are both pleasant and creative, but impacting.  I have faith the light will shine through.

You are more than just who you perceive yourself to be.  You are the fire that burns through whatever that persona is, and that part of you is most flagrant when you love and live loudly.  Have faith in yourself and live a life that betters others, and consequently yourself.  Your ego is going to ask how you can leave your mark and remain immortal, and logic will look towards fame and wealth.  Fear will suggest you aren’t enough.  Logic, ego, and fear are deceptive and blind to the fact that you already have the tools and ability to be lasting and reach that level of completeness.

So, to answer the initial question, the best way to be remembered and to leave a lasting impact on this world, is to simply love.  The best way to leave a legacy never forgotten isn’t just by any achievements you make or accomplishments you have, but how you choose to change the lives around you and how you allow your beautiful heart, mind, and soul to shine through and lift up the people around you.

The people mentioned in my previous post are all living a life that I’m sure will leave a legacy remembered forever because of the fingerprints and impacts they’ve left on me and others.  I have faith in myself to do the same.

“What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal.”  Non omnis moriar.

Laughing Out Loud

 

So, yesterday was my birthday.  Honestly, it was just a regular day.  It was just another morning where I woke up, destroyed our bathroom, showered, checked my emails, and hit to road to work.  I didn’t feel differently, I didn’t feel more special than normal, and it was not exactly magical by any means.  I mean, I definitely rocked out to Taylor Swift’s “22” multiple times, earning random weird/bewildered looks from strangers, but it was just another ordinary day.  (The start of the football season was probably the most significant thing that happened… what is life…)

We tend to deem days like these more special than others; birthdays, anniversaries, etc.  And we celebrate.  Some of us get drunk, some of us treat our loved ones with more attention, flowers, and presents.

But why not every day?  My phone went nuts from all the wall posts—thanks by the way, to everyone who wished me a good one.  I seriously do appreciate it, though this blog post might suggest otherwise.  We shouldn’t need these specific times of the year that say it’s okay to post on someone’s wall, send them a good morning text, or give flowers to.  Why wait?

And in light of yesterday, I realized one thing… it’s not necessarily all about me.  I mean, we’re celebrating another 365 days I’ve somehow miraculously survived, but by no means is that anything I want to take total credit for.

It’s about you guys.   And I aim to try and name each person specifically in this post.  I admit, I am being a little hypocritical by saying we shouldn’t do these special and nice things just because of some designated date, but whatever.   I also resolve to let these people know they’re appreciated and loved consistently in the future.

So, to start, I have to call out Mitch Riley.  This guy has been my closest friend since junior high.  I can rely on him for intellectual stuff, he taught me how to play guitar, and I wouldn’t be in love with music as much as I am without him.  I would not have gotten through my senior year of high school without him because every morning of the 12^th grade, he drove out of his way to pick me up and take me home.  He is one of the most sincere guys, smart guys, and greatest guys I know.  I’m better because of him.  I’m smarter.  And I’m certainly more tolerable.  Without Mitchell, I would not be who I am today, and honestly, I probably wouldn’t even be around today.  Thank you, arm, for helping me survive the last 365 days, and I look forward to more adventures and shenanigans over the next year.

As you all know, Emily Johnson and I broke up back in November of 2013.  Regardless, she is probably one of the closest people to me right now.  I learned so much about being a good boyfriend from dating her.   To everyone I’ve talked to since then, and all these random girls that believe I’m a sweet and nice guy; I’m pointing at her.  She showed me how.  Emily is the most sweet and kind person I’ve ever met.  I don’t regret a single day I spent with her, and I’m so happy and grateful that we’re friends still.  She’s more or less my voice of reason, and that one person that doesn’t care to tell me when I’m doing something wrong, but always because she cares so much about me.  I hate that we had a temporary hiatus and didn’t talk, but I love that it’s over and that we can call each other the best of friends.  Emily, thank you for wasting 3 years on me, for being there for me, and never ceasing to show me the way.  Most especially, thank you for being you.

I can’t leave out Jonathan Wallace.  I wouldn’t be in politics without ya.  Twenty years from now, I’m probably going to be cursing you for ever recruiting me as an intern on Morthland’s race, but for now, I’m happy.  I have an awesome career, an incredible job, and plenty of food and beer in my tummy because of you. You’ve opened doors for me and guided me on a path to a level of success I never felt was possible earlier this year.  Besides that, you’ve been a brother to me.  You’ve talked me down when I’ve made stupid decisions, and steered me differently when I’m about to.  You’ve taught me a ton about web development, campaigning, and God knows what else.  I could blame you for some of the crazier experiences in ’10, but I grew more wise and mature from those, and like the people previously mentioned and following this, I wouldn’t be who I am if you weren’t a huge part of my life.  And I can’t forget, you gave me the shittiest (and first)car I ever owned, which got me places that walking and getting rides otherwise wouldn’t have.   You also introduced me to Marcus Aurelius, the Art of War and the 48 Rules of Power, all things that have guided me to lead a better life and career.  Remember 3411!

I can’t leave out Jon’s younger brother, Benjamin.  Dude, all the times I had financial and romantic woes, you were there to help me piece things back together and move along.  We’ve got a thing for giving each other rock solid advice and opinions, even when we know it might upset the other.  You’ve always had my back and you have always been so incredibly honest with me.  I’ve always got yours.  Also, thanks for favoriting half of the crap I tweet, because it certainly boosts my self-esteem.  I also have to mention that Jonathan and Ben were the only people that gave me a phone call on my birthday.   Way to make me feel super special, guys.  The man love is literally flooding across this web page right now.

Order by no means suggests the amount of value people are to me, but I can’t fail to include my mom and dad.  We’ve had a rocky relationship and some of ended up written on this blog, unfortunately. Regardless, I’m so content and glad with where we’re at now.  All of the values and positive traits I have today were engrained in me by your parenting.   I could say, just like the rest of the people listed here, that I wouldn’t be who I am without you guys.  Beyond that, I would probably still be on the other side of this world living a life nowhere near as spectacular and incredible as the one I’m living now, thanks to the both of you.  I could not ask for better parents, and though I might have suggested otherwise, I wouldn’t trade you guys for the world.  I love you both.

It’s almost 1 AM, so I’m going to consolidate everyone else into a single paragraph below.  I’m who I am because of all of you.  You have all made small impacts on me and left fingerprints in my life that will never wash away.  Thank you for being there, for being my friends, family, and to some of you, more than that.  I guess the meaning behind all of this is that my birthday isn’t just a celebration of me living another year, and looking for more to come, but it’s a celebration of my existence because of each and every single one of you.  So, yeah, happy birthday to me, thanks to you guys.

And to the following, with a brief reason next to them, due to my lack of time and desire to keep this under 2000 words:

Thank you:

Kaitlyn Kahle for always being there for me, and giving a shit.    Rusty Naftzger and Levi Straus for helping me survive the long shifts at RadioShack and all the awesome times.  Eric Reyes for the roof over my head in the QC and being a good brochacho.  Lissette Martinez for being an awesome friend, unofficial sister, and an inspiration. Rebecca Miller for always helping me believe when I doubt.  Celeste Raya for just being so sweet and caring, and a great person. My grandparents for just being the most incredible grandparents this world has ever known.  My extended family for always supporting me and being there.  Kenzie Tucker-Green for giving birth to a beautiful daughter and just being a good friend, keeping me company, and also being there.  Emily Claus for all the laughs and random conversations throughout each day, also for this growing bucket list and a weird craving for grilled cheese.  Eric and Shari Johnson for supporting me so much, helping me with all my car troubles, and always being wonderful people, and also raising two spectacular daughters (and two dogs, one that I can relate to now).  Bob  Stefanski for not being a shitty roommate, playing Madden with me until 2 AM, and just being a great guy and mentor on the campaign trail.  Stephanie Milefchik, for being there, answering the phone at the most random hours of the night, and inspiring me to write again.  Jorge Rea for getting me into FPS and letting me rent out his garage for four months.  My clan for making FPS fun, and for all the friendships and awesome experiences. Kirsten Bryant for never allowing me to forget who I am, and drowning me with compliments and encouragement.  Mark Kaczmarek for teaching me so much about government (and sometimes your beliefs on how it should be).  Stacy Brown for giving me the courage and confidence to talk in front of people.  Montana Farrell for getting me into poetry and Cards Against Humanity.  That one random cop who didn’t give me a ticket because of my zombie apocalypse knife joke.  Asians in general.  Maddy Krause for keeping me occupied on Snap Chat, for always caring, and for being so kind. Vanessa for the very interesting summer and for being so brilliant that it blows my mind.  Joe Woodward and the other folks at HRO for being great coworkers, teaching me so much, and putting up with me.  Callen Brown for reading half the crap I publish just because and just being such a nice person.  Erica Sunken for hating me with good reason, and motivating me to make different decisions because of that.  The rest of the Wallace brothers for the good nights and epic video game rounds.  Ed Sheeran.  Levi James for all the laughs and random internet crap.  Skip Clarquist for teaching me a lot about music and worship.  Taylor Brothers for the same thing, but for also being such an inspiring guy.  Dwayne and Kathy for being wonderful people, leaders, and so encouraging.  My former coworkers at Whitey’s Ice Cream for making that one of the most memorable and fun jobs I’ve had.  Emma Levich for the advice, the obvious perks of your friendship, and getting me hooked on hookah.  And my brain is tired and I’m falling asleep.  Let’s just say everyone else who I missed or forgot (not because you don’t matter, but because there are just way too many awesome people in my life, it seems).

Thanks for reading this. Don’t wait until your next birthday to thank and appreciate the great people in your life.

Cool Beanz

 

The start of September seems to mark the official end to summertime, and the beginning of what some claim is the best time of the year.  The fall has a reputation for cooler weather, colorful leaves, and pumpkin flavored treats from Starbucks and Whitey's Ice Cream.  Anyway, tomorrow marks the most  significant day of this year: the kick-off of the football season.  Honestly, this quarter of the year has to be my favorite because I absolutely love the weather, I love watching nature die as the temperatures get colder, and, obviously, the NFL football season is the greatest.  Anyway, cheers. Here's to an awesome September.

One thing I wanted to point out is that a lot of people spend 75% of the year waiting for summer to happen, because that's where the greatest memories are made, and that's when you're more or less free to adventure, party, and live life loudly.  The summertime is a perfect time for memory making and all sorts of brilliant and epic experiences, but by no means should you cease memory-making just because the seasons change.

My favorite night, in all honesty, has to be when I stood in the parking lot of Cool Beanz with my new Yamaha guitar, singing Tenerife Sea with a very dear friend of mine, to the setting sun.  I suppose this surpasses all the other events throughout the summer, because it was the most enchanting night of the 3-4 month period.  Roof-top sitting first thing in the morning to watch the sunset come up a few months back was just as spectacular, but like most memories surrounding that specific period, I'm choosing to let them fade.  This summer was quite the roller coaster ride, but memorable, all the same.  I've embarked on a new career path, settled in a new town, and I'm meeting dozens of new people.  I'm odd, though, because I find significance and pleasure in the small, rarely noticed moments, and those are the ones I cling to most.

I took the time to ask a bunch of friends and acquaintances what their favorite memories of this summer are.  I figured this would be a cool twist to the blog post, because memories are fantastic, and sometimes it's nice to reminisce.  At the end of this, I hope you guys all had an awesome summer, that you didn't do anything I wouldn't do, y'all were safe, and that it was memorable as hell.  But remember, this year is only 75% complete... there are a lot more memories to be made.  Let's take a look at what everyone else deems best...

 

"I would have to say it was the night where we had you, me, Tony, Drew, Serafin, Rusty, and Ben all hanging out together before you left for your new job. If you think about it, a night like that is pretty rare. It's hard enough to make plans with just a couple of your friends without one of them being busy that night. But when everyone can come together like that, it's pretty cool." 

-Mitchell Riley

"I hung out with my friends a lot, and I got really close to them.  A lot closer than we were in high school. And I got to baby sit a corgi puppy, and that made my life." 

-Emily Claus

"I would have to say my favorite memory this past summer was when my sisters visited me from Texas. I had not seen them in 5 months and it was nice for them to come up to Illinois to see me.  I got to take them around the Quad Cities and our favorite locations including: Whitey's, Happy Joes, River Bandit Games, etc."

-Krystal Torres

"My favorite memory would be graduating basic and AIT. And finding out I'm having a baby girl!"

-Andre Alaniz

" We went to Ya Maka My Weekend and danced our butts off. Then we came home, ordered pizza, and played Uno until 2 hours after the kids' bedtimes. And they all made fun of me for "acting drunk", so Eric had me do a sobriety test in the kitchen, which I failed."

-Kati Strause

"I bought my puppy this summer. I've been wanting one for the past year and I finally got to bring home a little fluff ball of my own."

-Stephanie Milefchik

"My favorite memories are going to Lake George and seeing my  family, my family reunion, and meeting Mixa.* Oh, and the parties I went to that had over 300 people at them. That was epic."

-Mike Neira

 

 "Walking the train tracks down to our favorite swim hole, swimming, and jumping off the train bridge and floating in the river."

-Jesse Stohl

"My summer was spent working as it always is. Like a cog in a machine, day after day. With a long story before this moment and an even longer one after, I can say the best moment was at the top of the Ferris Wheel at Cedar Point at midnight with fireworks going of over Lake Superior. I had worked a year without any time for relaxation and took this trip for my son as we rarely take any vacations of significance. We brought his pal Sam and the two were somewhere doing 90 miles an hour on some hi- tech modern example of what used to be called a roller coaster. As I imagined the two of them laughing and carrying on, I thought to myself... 'At this moment, here above these thousands of people, I am king of the world. All is well.'"

-Michael Collins

"I wish I had know the festival life was everything that it is. The vibes, the friendships, loud music, dancing, and sharing stories until the wee hours of the morning. Summer Set Music Festival was my rebirth. The event that opened my eyes to the beauty of the EDM scene. I live a PLUR life now. And I am grateful for that."

-Ginger Webb

"I would say it was the weekend of my birthday. A lot of friends came together to hang out, grill out, and drink. Everyone got along and had a great time. It feels really good to have that many friends together in one place no matter what the occasion."

-Levi Strause

"My favorite memory of the summer was my first day of SOAR (Student Orientation Advising and Registration) for UW-Madison. I was a New Student Leader for SOAR, which basically meant I was the face of UW-Madison for all incoming students and their guests. The first day of SOAR was my favorite memory because my co-workers and I were excited to begin the best summer of our lives! However, we were nervous about performing well in the welcome skit, whether we would connect well with students and guests, etc."

-Lissette Martinez

"I just worked."

-Angie Versluis

"My favorite part of the summer was making a lot of money because I decided not to go to school and got more work hours.  I made my car look beautiful. Then, I took her to a race track and practically shat myself at how scary and fun it was at the same time."

-Serge Flatout

"My favorite memory was either seeing Tiesto live at the Spring Awakening Music Festival, or going to North Ave. Beach completely drunk with my friends!"

-Erika Smolyar

"My vacations to Florida with my parents. My vacation to Arizona to see my brother and sister-in-law. My favorite night was the night I finished my Stats 244 final and never have to take a math class again." :) 

-Sam Barnes

"My favorite memory of this summer was when I went to Chicago to visit my boyfriend. In particular, my favorite day was when we went to the Shedd Aquarium, rode on the train, and walked around Chicago together. There was something just so fun and magical about that day because we got to experience it together. I'll never forget it."

-Emily Johnson

"I won $500 in a penny slot!"

-Cecilia Pivarunas 

"My 21st birthday. I was standing on a chair and telling the entire bar to go f**k themselves.  Then I had water thrown in my face and escorted out."**

-Seth Wiley

"My favortite memory is going to wisconsin dells. Got to spend it with my boyfriend, who came into my life at a perfect time."

-Dallana Hernandez

"I visited my high school for my 5 year reunion. It also coincided with my football coaches retirement. It was awesome getting to see old classmates and friends as well as getting a chance to tell my coach what an impact he had on my life. And then we all got blackout drunk.  It was awesome." 

-Michael Smaniatto

"The best day of the summer was when my boyfriend and I decided instead of going on an expensive date we should go to the arcade. So we found all the spare change we had accumulated from the summer and put it all together . We spent hours at the arcade, playing video games, skii ball, basket ball, and air hockey even some laser tag. We used all the tickets we won to get his younger brother candy and silly toys.  I know it's lame but it was super fun."

-Sara Baugh

"I went to Branson, MO with my mom, bro, and bf for vacation. It was the most fun I've had in years."

-Ashley Johnson

"It's too hard to pick just one memory.. I'd have to say my favorite thing about this summer has been realizing just how much people can care for each other. In the face of adversity, we can band together to make it out in the end. When you lose everything, you become wealthy. Not with materials or money, but with friendship. The people in our lives, the ones we can sit around a bonfire, tellin' jokes and drinkin' beers with, are the best thing we can have."

-Justin Holland

"My favorite memory was when you came to visit me while I was in the hospital. Then I beat off to your sleeping body while I was in the hospital bed. My other favorite memory was when I dated a 14 year old."***

-Levi James

"I was an Intern this summer with the Daytona Cubs. I enjoyed meeting the full time staff and other interns. Every night was something new and interesting. It was an awesome experience."

-Shane Newbanks

---

 

*Our Russian gamer friend from Canada

**I think alcohol was involved here.

***I think he was joking...

 

Ice Buckets

.

[This post is going to be a whole lot of random.  Enjoy.]

To start, I wanted to talk about the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, and you haters with icy-cold hearts... 

So, I participated in the ice bucket challenge.  By reading this post, you're automatically nominated to take place.  Rules go as follows: you must donate $100 or dump a bucket of ice over your head and then you can donate something between $10-$20.  But seriously, it seems there's been a bit of hype about it, as it's gone viral on social media and people seem to disagree with the whole concept.  Let me offer you my humble and awesome opinion.  (See what I did there?)

Alright, so yes, dumping buckets of ice on oneself is definitely on the list of stupid things an individual can do before he dies.  And doing so is indeed wasting clean water and by no means directly helps people suffering from Lou Gehrigs Disease.  While it doesn't directly help people with ALS, it has raised millions in donations. Since July 29, approximately $40 million has been donated with more than 700,000 new donors.  And all this is, folks, is viral social media marketing at its finest.   Don't be so cold (punny, right?).  It's working.  It's raising money for ALS research, and people are donating to it who otherwise would not have.  And if you want my complete honesty, I had no idea what ALS was until I was challenged to do the video.

I suppose the only negative to it is the idea that ALS is a very rare condition and people have pointed out the money would be best donated elsewhere (like cancer or AIDs research).  Regardless, it's going to help a lot of people and scientists and coping with it and and reaching a possible cure or better treatments.

And to some older news... Mr. Robin Williams...

Last week, we lost Robin Williams.  He was a marvelous person, a brilliant actor, and hilarious comedian.  Before I dive into this segment of this blog post, let me take a moment to say that he will be deeply missed and my thoughts and prayers to go out to him, that he's in a better place, and to his close friends and family who are most likely hurting worst in all of this.  Everyone's searching Netflix and digging through their piles of VHS tapes and DVDs to find movies he starred in, as though his passing suddenly makes watching one of his movies the next best thing besides dumping ice on your face.  I've never felt inclined, honestly, to watch a movie specifically for him.  That doesn't mean I don't enjoy his performances.  But it seems to be a human condition where we give significance to or we simply care more for things when they're gone.  Why wait?  Care now.

More often than not, we just don't realize what we've got until it's gone.  In situations like this, Mr. Williams will be sorely missed and it's not something we can reverse.  Part of me thinks that if people expressed their profound love for him months ago, he might still be with us.  Another part of me believes that his depression inhibited any amount of love or care from changing his inertia or shifting his course away from this terrible destination.

With the circumstances surrounding his death, there have been some people stepping forward attempting to advocate for depression awareness.  I believe there have even been people ridiculing him for committing suicide, calling him selfish, and being totally subjective and ignorant on the whole situation.  I'm not psychiatrist so I won't even begin to try and diagnose or recommend how we can best help people with depression.  All I know how to do is being there for them and loving them for every bit.

I guess all I'm trying to say is to appreciate the people in your life and the things you have now.  And love with every piece of you, because you never want to have to ask yourself the question: "Did I do enough?  Was there something I could have done?"

Ferguson and our Corrupt Law Enforcement ...

I don't believe looting and rioting is the proper reaction for the issues taking place in Ferguson.  I'm tired of sifting through dozens of news article, statements by police, and whatever else the wonderful internet provides.  The facts are these: Michael Brown was unarmed, and shot multiple times by a Police Officer.  The officer reportedly has a fractured/crushed orbital socket, which was inflicted by Brown in a strike to his head.  Michael Brown was resisting the officer who was confronting him for robbing a convenience store earlier.

There are a few points I want to make about this entire situation:

1.  Hating all cops because of what happened is just as hypocritical and ignorant as hating all black people because of one black guy decided to do this:

2.  I shard that specific video for a reason.

3.  People aren't looting because of Mike Brown.  People are looting because they want the things they're taking, and they're taking advantage of the situation.  If they were that driven or passionate for justice, they wouldn't commit more injustice.  Or if that's their way of thinking, I honestly can't fathom that rationality.  I applaud the shop owners that have posted up in front of their property with their ARs.  And I guarantee if someone tries looting their store, there would be a significantly more violent outcome than Mr. Brown's death.

4. And again, not all the facts are out, yet.  Maybe the police department in Ferguson is racist and consists of white officers who hate black people.  Maybe the cop acted in the right way, and I suppose the city and whoever else gets involved in this legal process and investigation will eventually reach the bottom of it.  Did Mike Brown deserve to die?  I have no right to decide that.  Did the cop react the right way?  I don't know.  I wasn't there and I am not him.  If a dude crushed my orbital socket of my only good eye, would I react with equal or worse force to protect myself?  Yes.  I would.  Are the police handling this situation in the right way?  I don't know.  I don't know all the circumstances or every little detail that's going on.  There are still many things that are unknown and facts that haven't been revealed yet.  I say we need to let this situation defuse, allow the family and his friends to mourn in peace, and go about your own life.

Also, here's a video of a situation where a cop approached a vehicle he pulled over, and things turned deadly very quickly.  Before you jump to conclusions about the precautions officers take to protect themselves, keep this in mind.  You have a right to privacy and to your rights, and the officer definitely has a right to go home to his family each night.

Interesting thoughts on terrorists...

So, I'm reading this new book from the Halo series.  Yes, I'm a total dork/geek/nerd, and I'm not ashamed to admit it.  But one of the characters (I'm not sure if he's a total bad guy yet, because his cause is relatively just), starts out ranting about terrorism.  There's this idea that the term terrorism is a measure of magnitude, not morality.  I mean, our Founding Fathers technically employed terror tactics when they sought to free us of British rule.  Think about it.  You have only hundreds of followers who are part of your cause, so you can't do a ton of damage.  If the shoe was on the other foot, we would definitely default to terrorist-like activities, primarily due to the lack of manpower and the overwhelming force and size of the enemy.  "When your enemy is an empire and you're just a few guys, a handful of people, then the biggest punch you can land is terrorism.  That's all you got."   Morality has little to do with terrorism (because it is indeed war, so killing the enemy more or less is a given).  Anyway, I found it interesting.  If you're going to hate on terrorists, hate on their beliefs and the cause itself.  (Remember, I'm not saying terror tactics are completely moral because of the way you strike and the fact that you're killing people by doing it... but neither is bombing enemy cities or predator drone missile strikes).

Think yourself to success...

And I suppose just think about that for a bit.  It's true.  Some of the most successful people literally thought themselves there.  Speaking of success... it makes me think of power.  One of the staffers said they saw Mike Madigan for the first time.  And he was like, "The dude was so old and small.  I was thrown off."  And he's right.  Madigan is smaller than most people would assume he is.  Yet he's more than likely the most powerful man in the state of Illinois.  He probably thought himself to where he is at today.  I suppose it's  two step process; think yourself to success, then manipulate your way to power.

 

Some Terribly Random Dating Tips that aren't that Terrible

 

A fellow blogger and I got together and threw this one together over a week or so.  

1. You don't need a girlfriend to be happy.   In fact, if you believe this to be the case, you aren't ready for a dating relationship, my dear friend.  Your girlfriend, if and when you find someone willing to deal with who you are, should never be who completes you, but someone who adds to you.  She should be complementary, not necessary.  Living without that person, breaking up with them, or them leaving you should definitely make you upset or sad to think imagine or experience.  At the end of the day, though, you will survive, and you must allow happiness to ensue with or without.  If you can’t make yourself happy, how do you expect to make another person happy?

2. Nice guys don't finish last.  Losers finish last.  Don't be a loser.  The fact of the matter is that you can deliver the flowers, take her to her favorite restaurant, be there for her when she’s devastated or ecstatic, and be the best man for her a woman could ever want, and she could still find a reason to break it off.  You can be her best friend always searching for the right timing to make a move and try to elevate your friendship to the next level and then you’re friend-zoned (and now a moment of silence to our fallen brothers that have been plopped there).   It’s not because you’re too nice or not nice enough.  It is because she isn’t the right one for you.  Don’t ever buy into the idea that nice guys don’t ever get the girl.  Just be patient, hold tight, and, well, hurry up and wait.  Because one day, a girl is going to walk into that coffee shop you spend so much time reading your books and jamming out to Ed Sheeran at.  And that woman is going to make you see why it never worked with that one girl you did everything for, that one girl you had who left you, and that other girl who was your best friend that didn’t want to ruin the friendship by dating.  Don’t even worry about finishing or winning or whatever it is guys go on about… just focus on you, bettering you, and making yourself the best man you can be for this mystical coffee shop girl you’ll possibly eventually meet.

3. Don’t be hypocritical about appearances.  I absolutely have to include this one.  I’ve heard it too many times, and I’m not necessarily ashamed to admit I used to feel this way: ”I'm ugly but I'm a really smart and nice guy.  Pretty girls don't like me.  Why can't I date a pretty girl?” And my up-to-date response to that is it’s because you’re not good looking, duh.  Just kidding.  Seriously though, this is terribly backwards.  You don’t think you’re a good looking person, but you only want to date good looking girls? If you want to only date pretty girls, and you're aware of your flaws when it comes to your appearance, I’d say you need to reassess what you value in a possible partner.  Would you date a girl you deem less attractive?  Hmmm. If you honestly believe that true beauty lies within, then accept the fact that it also isn't a one way street.  And get your head out of your butt.

4. She isn’t perfect.  And neither are you.  (Or rather, she won’t be perfect, and you still aren’t, in case you’re single, which, by the way, isn’t a bad thing.)  If you think you’re flawless, you can eat that idea, digest it, defecate that, then eat it again.  Don’t be surprised when you wake up next to her and she has morning breath.  Guess what?  Yours probably smells worse.  This is when what most call the “honeymoon phase” ends, because you become more aware of the other’s flaws.  She’s obsessed with a genre of music you can’t stand.  She doesn’t shave her armpits.  She is really naggy and complains about how messy you are.  Maybe the biggest risk in dating is allowing someone to see the worst parts of you and they still say, “Oh, how lovely,” and choose to accept you for all you are.  I suppose I’m just giving you a warning about something you’re probably already well aware of.   Regardless, far too many of us are surprised or caught off guard when the imperfections start rolling out.  A person is a combination of both their pluses and minuses.  That’s what makes that said person beautiful, exquisite, and so intricate.

5. And to close, some dating destination tips.  Don’t ask her to pick the restaurant.  The feelings derived from this peculiar situation is equivalent to trying to watch a YouTube video on dial-up.  I’d suggest either eating something prior to seeing her, so it’s not an issue, or planning ahead and not spontaneously deciding to go eat food.  Seriously.  This problem has ruined relationships. Take her to see a movie she wants to see.   Okay, so the chances that you’ll find a girl that enjoys a good thriller or action movie are slim.  That’s not a sexist thing.  If you’re a girl and if you’ll sit through Black Hawk Down and the Manchurian Candidate, more power to ya (and where have you been all my life?).  There is nothing wrong with a guy enjoying a good chick flick.  The Fault in our Stars was good.  I even read the book, which was better.  Even if you hate that nonsense, it’ll prove to her you’re willing to step out of your comfort zone to make her happy or to make her more comfortable.  And hey, maybe that would convince her to see the new Star Wars movie when it comes out at the end of this year.

 

And five more tips from Rebecca.  (Follow her on Twitter here) 

1. You don’t need a boyfriend, girlfriend, or anyone to make you happy. Like my co-author expressed above, you don’t need a partner to make you happy, and he’s absolutely right. If you think you need someone else to make you happy, then you aren’t ready for anything remotely serious. One of the hardest pills to swallow is that you need to love yourself before you love anyone else. This statement gets many eye rolls, but it’s something I’ve found to be true. If you’re not comfortable in your own skin, and if you can’t appreciate who you are, then what makes you think anyone else is going to do that for you? The problem is, when you rely on a significant other, or anyone else, to make you happy, you’re stuck with a huge question mark about who you are over your head. The source of your happiness is gone, so you’re left confused, sad, and unfulfilled. Who wants to feel like that? Not me. Be your own hero.

2. If you’re not having fun while dating, something isn’t being done right. My whole policy on dating is this: if you’re not having fun going on dates or seeing someone, then something isn’t being done right. Dating is meant to be fun.Whether you’re trying to audition potential life partners or you’re going on dates to figure out what you like or what’s out there, if you’re not having fun or enjoying yourself, there’s got to be something else going on. Figure out what you want, or reevaluate some of your dating choices. I have no shame in admitting that I was not having a good time dating at one point. It took some serious self-evaluation to figure out why, but it was definitely time well-spent.

3. It’s okay to be selfish. Don’t stop reading, hear me out. This is the most important piece of advice I give anyone when they’re out there, trying to figure out what they want in any aspect of their life. It’s okay to be selfish when you’re looking for what you want. How else are you going to find what you want if you’re not thinking about it? Relationships are work, and there’s mutual respect and some sacrifice that needs to be done. But, before you can give something you’re all, you need to know what it is you want in return, and you have to think about it. Don’t be afraid to ask yourself if this is going to make you happy. That’s the whole point of finding someone, you need to be able to make each other happy, but you need to know what makes you happy first.

4. Falling Off the Face of the Planet Syndrome needs to be stopped. I have countless friends, both men and women, that fall off the face of the planet for months after they decide to exclusively date someone. Even worse, there are some that get into relationships and cut everyone off. The only thing they do is hang out with their significant other. Yes, I get there’s a honeymoon stage. No, I’m not saying I haven’t been guilty of this, too. It needs to stop, though. We’re your friends, we get it. You’re happy, and we’re happy that you’ve found someone that makes you this happy. Yet, when we don’t hear from you for weeks, or you bail on long term plans, it’s taking friendship and throwing it down the drain. You’re disrespecting  the  relationships you’ve had for one relationship with someone you’ve just included in your life.  Don’t commit what Carrie Bradshaw called the “cardinal sin,” forsaking your girlfriends for your new boyfriend. Then, if a break up ensues, who are you going to have to lean on? The friends you bailed on, or haven’t texted for weeks? Many of them might not be that forgiving. From what I’ve learned, relationships are all about having a balance. Each person in the relationship needs their own life, with their own interests, friends, and so on. Then, you see how well you can create a life together, while still maintaining a sense of self. Remember, when (or if) that person bails, you’re going to need other things to fall back on, you know, like your own life?

5. This is your equal, not your Sugar Daddy or Mommy. Relationships are about balance. No one should have to pay for everything the entire time, or take the other person out constantly. I know that the old-fashioned rule is that the man should pay for everything, but it’s 2014, and those times are over. That mentality was built during at time where women didn’t work, or make much money on their own, where men were trumping top paying positions. There’s a new age of women working, and are inching closer (not fast or close enough yet, in my opinion), to making just as much, and in some cases, more than men. Just try and have mutual respect for each other, and not max out each other’s credit cards in the name of love. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to spend a bit on your honey, but don’t abuse it.

Peace (A Taste of Buddhism)

 

My mom and dad always warned me while I was growing up (I actually never really stopped and I still am) that this world is tough, difficult, and it is merciless.  With the amount of work required anymore to afford the cost of living, the rising prices of gas, food, and other necessities, and the obnoxious cost of tuition for education, it is easy to be weighed down.  Between our responsibilities and tensions in everyday relationships, losing our peace of mind is a regular occurrence.  In the first six months of 2014, I have experienced romantic woes, financial difficulties, and uncertain situations where I was unsure of any positive outcomes or happy endings.

Of course, I pushed through.  Falling is easy, they say, but rising from impact is the difficult portion of “the con (F.U.N. reference)” we call love.  Driving three hours on the interstate is therapeutic but I miss home with every mile I drive east.  Quitting my job was especially easy, but having a bit of self-confidence and focus to take on something new and different was intimidating and nerve-wracking.  At the end of the day, I struggled to find peace or be happy.

There is you and then there’s the rest of the world.  The past few years have conditioned me to become incredibly cynical and self-reliant, which can serve as both a blessing and a curse.  Those things can help me push through any difficulty and trial on my own, but I’ve built up walls which proves challenging when trying to build bridges or establish lasting relationships.

So, in the world as it is today, how can an individual find peace?  And when the proverbial excrement makes physical contact with a hydro-electric powered oscillating air current distribution device, how does one hold onto peace?

Buddha encouraged his disciples to pursue cultivation of Four Immeasurables (or virtues).  One of these four is something called uppekha, or in English, equanimity.  In the simplest of terms, equanimity refers to a state of being calm, balanced, and collected.  It’s being at peace with yourself and your life, whether things are falling apart or perfectly still.  To me, it means to accept life as it is; it is to be equal and in the middle.  Life has a tendency to pull us in different ways.  Whether it is between our wants and dislikes, praise or criticism, happiness or loneliness… It’s to keep your mind centered and balanced no matter how intense or still things are.  It’s accepting that life is as it should be, you are as you should be, and it’s acknowledging the past is past.  It’s looking towards yourself and letting yourself be.  Mastering equanimity will result at peace with oneself.

Even though things are as they should be, maybe not all is well.  Maybe you haven’t quite beat that level in Candy Crush Saga or you didn’t get the promotion you were hoping to get.  I believe equanimity carries more into just acceptance of the past and present, but a rather existentialist outlook on the future; accept things as they are, and move forward because you have the absolute power to change your destiny and better yourself.  I suppose accepting yourself as you are now isn’t necessarily saying, “I’m good, I don’t need to progress any further,” but rather, “This is me.  Now, where do I go from here?”  You are the result of your past, your accidents, and your choices… Accept this, and then the sky is the limit as far as what you choose to do next.

So, there is you.  And then there’s the rest of the world.  I’d reckon that a majority of conflicts we encounter are one of two main things: 1.) You have conflict in yourself, and that leads to conflict with others.  2.) You encounter a conflict with others, which results in a conflict in yourself.  It’s practically like what you learned in your high school English class regarding literature (if you want specifics, I’ve heard it taught with there being up to five types of conflict: man vs self, man vs man, man vs society, man vs fate, and man vs nature).  Having equanimity is good, but what about the rest of the world?

I’m going to drop another word that my ex-girlfriend (kind of?) believes I wouldn’t be able to pronounce (I actually can’t pronounce a lot of things, I sort of just struggle through every syllable and still try to sound like an intelligent human being [this also explains why I write as opposed to recording myself talk about these things] [I digress, end rant]); and that word is magnanimity (mag-na-nimity… seems easy enough…).   If Buddhism’s uppekah is accepting yourself, looking towards oneself in a collected and open manner, and letting yourself be, then magnanimity is accepting of others, and letting them be as they are.

Don’t get me wrong; this isn’t indifference towards the world, because you can definitely still care.  And it also does not mean to conform to other people’s beliefs and ideas.  Rather, it is the philosophy of understanding at best, respecting at worst, other people’s lives, lifestyles, and thinking.

I struggle with this especially with politics and religion (where most people clash and seemingly at least debate over, or when things get out of hand, they go to war and kill people over).  I’ve realized that disagreeing with another person’s decision to vote a certain way or reject the existence of God can be disheartening and disappointing, I’ve conditioned myself to, I suppose, tolerate these things, accept that I can’t convert or change people, and to allow people to do as they please.  At the end of the day, with me being the cynic I have become, they’re going to do it with or without my blessing.

It’s in our nature to react to the world around us.  Your phone vibrates in your pocket, and you instantly reach down to check it out.  Someone calls your name in a crowded place, and you look around towards the source of the voice to see who it is.  And I was always that kid in school who blurted out responses to the teacher’s question without raising my hand.  We respond.

Sometimes, we have tendencies to strike back, to put down, and to disagree.  We feel inclined to voice our opinion (the First Amendment certainly guarantees that right, does it not?).  We are so eager to argue, defend our views, and make others see things our way.  It’s a very Nietzsche concept; each individual wants to enact their will on other people.

I suppose the thinking and philosophy behind magnanimity asks us to allow others to be, to not respond in a negative or disagreeing manner or to try to change them.  Again, it’s not shutting out the world and choosing not to be yourself.  It isn’t choosing not to care, but rather, caring unconditionally and indefinitely.  Equanimity suggests allowing our feelings, beliefs, and self to happen and to be.  Magnanimity would be allowing that in others, and not enacting your will on someone else.

So, you ask, how does this result in peace amidst absolute chaos?  How can we go through life while attempting to apply these very Buddhist philosophies and still rest easy each night?

I’m going to drop a Star Wars bomb on you in 3… 2… 1…

“Fear is the path to the dark side.  Fear leads to anger.  Anger leads to hate.  Hate leads to suffering,” Yoda said.  Fear.  Anger.  Hate.  Suffering.  Four key negative emotions every one of us have experienced a multitude of times.  These are four feelings that so quickly overcome any amount of happiness, joy, or peace we have in our lives when we allow them to.

Equanimity would ask that we allow ourselves to be, and therefore allow ourselves to feel these things when they happen.  It would ask us, also, that we take it one step forward; don’t let them drive you, let the feelings happen, and let them go.

When you start getting fearful, find that middle ground and temperament where you view the situation objectively.  A lot of these thoughts rush through a boy’s head when he’s trying to ask a girl out: She might reject me.  She might not ever reciprocate feelings.  Subjectivity would evince that he should give up, walk away, and never try.  Objectivity suggests anything is possible, and the true loss is not trying in the first place. Avoiding emotions of any kind makes us less human, in my opinion.  Allow yourself to feel, even the negative things.  But just how magnanimity is allowing others to be, and not responding in a forceful or willful way, you should respond to fear in the same light.  Allow yourself to feel fear, accept the situation, and move forward without it.  In so many words, face your fear and drive right through it.

They say that a boat only sinks when it allows the water to flow onto and into it.  Your mind is just like a boat, and you’ll never sink if you never allow the negative things to manifest.  Fear can manifest.  And fear is just one example.  (Of course, fear will always lead to other things if you allow it to drive you and stick around, as Yoda suggests.)

Whether it’s unpaid bills, a really, really shitty ex-girlfriend, or a bad day at work, you can dwell on these things, and feel emotions such as fear and anger.  The fear and anger will always come, and in this philosophy, the best plan of action is to allow yourself to feel it, and let these things fade.  Face it, and then accept it.

“Yes, I made a mistake by dating her, and yes, it ended terribly and it would be fantastic if things were different.  But that’s how it is right now.  I’m angry.  I’m fearful.  I can feel hate tugging me in a darker direction.”  And that’s when you accept how things are, understand what the current situation is.  Don’t question it, don’t focus on the past, and don’t dwell.  Take a step forward.  Equanimity would be allowing yourself to feel, and allowing yourself to be.  Don’t fight the feelings, don’t run away, but face them.  And realize only you can better this, only you can change, and only you can rise up out of this.  Magnanimity would be allowing her to do as she pleases, live as she wants, and feel how she desires.  It would be respectfully allowing her to make her own choices--caring still--without any conditions, agendas, or intentions to enact your own will on her.

Equanimity and magnanimity is objectively accepting yourself and the world around you, respecting that life will simply play it’s course, and acknowledging this universe will carry on with or without you.  They’re realizing the present is simply a consequence and aftereffect of your past, and the only thing questionable, changeable, and within your control is the future.  They are taking that deep breath in any difficulty, recognizing what you can do to better it or worsen it, and saying, “This is me.  This is my life right now.  Where do I go from here?”

And peace, you ask?  Peace ensues, just like happiness.  Like everything else, just allow it.  (:

New Frontiers

“Just like that?” I asked.

And he nods his head, “Yeah.  I guess I saw it coming, so I was a little prepared for it.  It sucks, man.  There’s a lot of adjusting, a lot of late nights drinking tryin’ to accept it all.”

“Did she have any excuses?  Any good reasons why?”

“No, man.  Just that she wasn’t in love anymore, I guess.  She doesn’t need anyone anymore.  She doesn’t need me.”  He takes another sip from his Corona, and sighs.  “Yeah.”  It was almost like he was accepting it right there.  Announcing that agrees with her decision and choice to have absolute independence.

“That’s a shitty reason for a divorce.  So it’s over?  You don’t think you can fix it?” I take a big gulp, and look carefully at this man.  I can’t even remember his name at this point.  Everyone knows, I’m terrible with names and faces.

“I tried.  I offered counseling, threw up the idea of just ‘separation’—as if that sounds any prettier but at least it isn’t permanent; she said no.  And now all the signs are so visible in retrospect; her refusal to have kids with me, her rushing for me to sell the house, and she was never around, she was always working and shit.”

I force a smile and lift my bottle.  “To new frontiers, then, yeah?” And we tap our drinks together in acknowledgment of the hopelessness of both of our situations.

And that was how I spent my dinner.  Originally, I was going to take my burger and fries from this random pub back to office and spend the last half hour there grinding through some work, but instead I listened to this guy tell me all the details of his unfolding divorce.  And it was depressing (which I suppose explains my immediate decision to blog about it).

Why does that happen?  He told me that he’d done everything he could to salvage their marriage and convince her it was worth it for her to put in half as much work as he was, and that they could turn this disaster into a success story if she’d just try.  But she was stubborn, set in her decision, and had been leaning on ending their relationship for over a year.

He didn’t seem angry about it.  He had feelings that there was another man in the picture and that she wasn’t telling him everything, but he was so focused on just sealing off the divorce, and moving on.

I kept wanting to ask one more question.  It appeared that he’d lost all will to fight on, to continue, and that surrender was the easiest and only option he had left.  That makes sense, considering the energy and effort he’d spent trying to make it work before she delivered the paperwork from her lawyer.

I couldn’t help but feel awful for this man.  Sympathy, they say, is drawn from the Greek word that means to suffer with.  By sympathizing with him, I was suffering with him.  Two beers and counting and with my tolerance for alcohol, I was finding it more than easy

But the one thing that kept running through my mind was, “Why?” Why should we do this?  He seemed like a nice guy.  Chances are, there was more to the collapse of their relationship than he was letting off, but it seemed like he still cared about her and that he really did want things to work out between them.  He’d given his life for her, he’d devoted all his energy and love to her.  And she was so willing to throw that out.

Are people seriously that foolish?  He loves her, and she refused to reciprocate.  Unrequited love, which appears to be the resounding theme of this summer, sucks.

The Ed Sheeran lyric just kept going through my head, too.  “Success is nothing if you have no one left to share it with.”  He’d had an excellent month with his business.  He made a living running a company that did home remodeling and fixing up throughout the area.  He kept going on about how terrible he felt because he had all this money and happiness from the fruits of his labor, and she was so willing to walk out.

He wanted to share that with her, and she was gone.  And he felt selfish using it for himself.  His words, not mine.

It just bothers me because I have no answers for this.  The bartender thought I looked fourteen (rather she agreed with me when I handed her my ID and announced that I just turned 12), and he probably didn’t think I was old at all, so I felt really helpless because I couldn’t offer divorce advice or any words of wisdom.

The one thing I did tell him was that I understood how he felt, to an extent, and that the only feelings left were selfish ones; better me, focus on me, and do me.  Move on.

And we tapped bottles again to that.  To new frontiers.

It really is difficult, I guess, to not be cynical when it comes to relationships.  Everyone’s shown me that all they’re going to do is what makes them happy, and then they’ll worry about the repercussions it has on the other after they’re satisfied (sometimes not, though).

Someone, prove me wrong.  Because, I’m told, I’m supposed to be an optimist.  And I want to believe in love without conditions and that indefinite love is possible, and that it exists.

On that same token, I also wish I was a superhero that could move objects with the power of my mind.  Well, I’m avoiding that bar forever now, because that was depressing as Hell.  It’s a shame because the burger was delicious, and it’s literally a block from my new office.

“To new frontiers.”

Meatloaf

 

 

Another attempt at poetry.  I've even got a cool guitar thing to go in the background of this.  But I seriously can't rap.  But check it out.  You might like it. :) 

 

I put in both my earphones and drown out the universe

Because the words you wrote to me couldn’t hurt any worse

I turn the world off along with every thought of you

And honestly this song won’t be like the last one I wrote for you

 

You see I’ll never forget that night, both of us lying in my bed

When you apologized for the first time, it echoes in my head

If you were sorry, you wouldn’t let it continue like this way

My eyes were fiery, trying to keep every tear at bay

 

Because you might think me weak or too emotionally unstable

But it’s obsolete to get you to understand what I say, though

And this hurts, and it’s even harder for me to admit it

And it’s worse because I was warned and could have avoided it

 

And did I make a mistake or a wrong turn along the way?

Was my time a waste?  Because I don’t believe I can make you stay

And it’s him, it always circles back to this other guy

And I can’t win, no matter what I do or try

 

He’s not the one for you but I suppose I can’t make you see that

And I gotta be there for you when it all starts getting bad

I can’t predict the future but I know how it’s gonna go

But regardless where we end up I really want you to just know

 

This is not what I intended, can you please just hear me out?

Because the way you and I ended is just bringing me down

It feels as though all I have done is just fruitless, it’s useless

It’s hard to imagine how far I’ve come and I’m confused and still clueless

 

You can continue living this way,but I know that you’ll regret it

You see change can take place if you’d just fucking let it

If you’d walk away from your past you’d see it’s not half as bad

We could make this connection last if you tried as hard as I have

 

And it’s pathetic because I just think too much about it

To the climatic point where I almost start to doubt it

And all the lies and bullshit are starting to creep up from behind

And it seems that all it’s done is cause a mess inside my mind

 

On my rooftop sitting alone just taking in the sunset again

Hoping you're not feeling as terrible about this as I have been

But at the end of the day I'm not empty or totally sad

I just wish it weren't this way, I wish I could be your man

 

But I could honestly never hate you or resent the fact that I

Did everything I could to make you stay and make you mine

And I’m sorry, love, I just can’t carry on this way

But I’ll try to stick around here and keep waiting for the day when you say

 

That you were wrong and all you want to do is work it out

And that the words in this is song are all you can think about

I'm fading away, away and you're running out of time

Because one of these days I'm going to have to leave you behind

 

I'm sorry about the honesty and that this is how you'll see me

But writing is my only remedy since you and I can't be

together and it's okay I just need to pick myself back up

I can't help but say nothing is worse than unrequited love

 

You said you never wanted to end up losing me

Just admit you never intended to end up choosing me

Selfitis - the Disorder of our Generation

 

Conversations have become texting, fights are now phone calls, and feelings are statuses and subtweets.  When my grandparents grew up and fell in love back in the fifties, there weren't any computers, no one owned (or really even fathomed the idea of) mobile devices, and they didn't have social media.  Rumors were whispered, not sent in group texts or colorfully displayed on people's news feeds.  People actually said more sentences in person than text messages sent throughout the day.

Look, I'm guilty of this crime just as much as the rest of you.  I would do this if my job allowed, but leave your phone off for 24 hours.  You won't know what to do with yourself.  My friend even admitted she's less likely to come over to my house because of the fact that there isn't Wi-Fi anymore.  We fill our time with checking up on our crushes, on people we dislike, and entertainment all in these little 6" screens.  I dare you to go 24-hours without that.

Let's just get this straight.  Posting your relationship or family drama on Facebook isn't going to solve anything.  You're not going to fix whatever the problem is.  In fact, you're going to make it worse.  And no one cares.  End rant.  Just kidding.  I'm not done yet.

Besides that, my generation has become more or less a narcissistic one.  We look for self-validation in our selfies we post on Instagram and Facebook.  And speaking of Instagram, the motto for the company is, "To capture and share the world's moments."  Now, take a gander and scroll through your feed.  1 selfie, 2 selfies, 3 selfies... and it goes on, and on, and on.  And you're capturing the world's moments with that posed photo of your face that you probably attempted twenty times before you got it just right, eh?  And while Instagram is a wonderful concept, it's been deformed to focus on the self, and aimed inward rather than outward.

There was something that "trended" a while ago on social media that had its users distressed about the act of capturing fake moments of your face in a dozen different ways. Check out the fake news article here.  In case you're too lazy to click a link, I'll briefly explain everything.  The article announced the establishment of a new mental disorder called selfitis.  According to the article, the American Psychiatric Association defined it as a disorder in which an individual has obsessive compulsive desire to take photos of one's self and post them on social media as a way to make up for a lack of self-esteem and to fill a gap in intimacy.  Don't get me wrong, I have a few friends who are quite beautiful people and they do indeed grace the internet world with photos of their wonderful faces.  But this article and the rest of the world's reactions beg the question; do our tendencies and activities online reflect and have an effect on our emotions and thinking offline?

We fish for likes.  That's why we post these clever statuses whining about life, announcing your man-crushes/woman-crushes, or update our profile pictures every other day.  We seek self-validation in social media.  Some of us are genuine with what we post and share.  It's possible.  But more often than not, it's misused.  Even though you're more than likely nothing like your online persona, you want that like, that favorite, that retweet, and that share because it affirms your existence or makes you feel loved.

And isn't it the most disheartening thing to see that "Seen at 11:18 PM Sunday" and realize they didn't have the care or will to respond?  Is it not devastating when you're in the midst of a Snap Chat exchange and you see that empty red arrow saying they'd opened it, but didn't reply?  With social media and the internet, we now have the evidence we've always feared that our crushes, the people we like, and the people we crave attention from don't care or don't have time for you.

I suppose there's more to it than that.  If someone honestly wants to talk to you, they will, or they'll have a damn good excuse why they didn't.  But Facebook, Snap Chat, Twitter, and all these other social engines are paving the way for insecurity, dependence on approval from peers to feel good, and emotional issues well beyond this "selfitis."  I used to be that way.  I used to feel validated when she favorited my tweet or liked my photo.  But when I was in real need, those people weren't the ones who came flocking to support me.  And it was a rude awakening.

At the end of the day, I think each of us needs to reflect on one thing.  Genuine, legit, and lasting love and care will not come from how often someone replies to your texts, how many emojis they throw in there, or how often they respond via Facebook... but who's there in the offline world.  At the end of the day, you need to have the mentality that you won't let the online world define your offline self.  Likes on your profile picture are not going to get you a good job, or a partner that's worth the thought or time.  At the end of the day, you have the ability to use these tools as they were intended; to connect, to share, and make relationships and wondering at the world easier and more convenient.  But don't let it replace your offline connections.  And never let it define you, and never let it define what matters.

Make sure you like my Facebook page for the blog.  Thanks :) <--- that's a joke, but really, go like it.

That Awkward Moment

 

Stolen from the movie (pardon the French, and may contain spoilers):

“And then the other guy asked to buy her a drink, right as Jason walked up.  So, she asked that guy, ‘What happens if I enjoy the drink? What happens then?’  And he pretended not to know the answer, so she told him.  She asked if they’d play beer pong in that shitty bar with his friends, until they headed back to his place in Murray Hill.  She asked if they’d have to listen to his roommate fuck Hillary or Emily or whatever her name was until they fell asleep.  And she asked him if a year later, they’d still be there in that bar, the only difference being now he feels pressured to get married and have kids because he thinks that’s what she wants.  And then in the summers they would drive up to the shitty Hamptons—”

 “—to meet his shitty parents.”

 “… Wondering the entire ride if they’d think she was pretty enough.”

 “Smart?”

 “…Wondering the entire ride if they’d think she was smart enough.”

 “Because no one was.”

 “And no one ever will be.  And Jason knew that.  And he would give anything to go back to that moment… to the moment where they first met, before anything went wrong.  Before he didn’t show up for her when she needed him most.  Before he understood that being there for somebody when it’s most difficult is really all that relationships are.  Jason knew that now.  And he was so sorry for what he had done.  Jason also realized in that moment he wasn't afraid because he thought she wasn’t the one.  He was absolutely terrified because he knew she was.”

There is always that awkward moment where you send that text or grow the balls to ask the question, and you're too much of a thinker and you're too smart for your own good to not look ahead and see the probabilities and outcomes for that one small movement.  And it's like a domino effect.  You think you're just asking her to a movie.  You think you're just asking to buy her a drink.  What happens if you enjoy the movie?  What happens if she enjoys the drink?

It seems so simple, yet you're opening a door to something beyond anything you'd prepared for or dreamt about in your wildest dreams.  You're meeting her parents, who aren't shitty at all.  You're making her dinner at her house, going through old photos of her with her, visiting her at work, falling asleep next to her... And it was that one simple invitation; "Wanna see a movie?"

Before you know it, you've learned more about this other person that you thought possible.  You've formed a connection that you don't want to break.  And you're in a position where there's another awkward moment.  The first one was when you were unlike the douche nozzle in the bar asking to buy her a drink, ignorant and unaware of what a simple question could cause, but you had a good idea where your little question was going to take you.  You hesitated, weighed out your options, but did it anyway.  The second awkward moment is the "so" moment, as Zac Efron so colorfully describes in the movie; so... what?  Where do we go from here?

At the end of the day, these little things can so quickly grow into big things.  And you're not just asking for a drink.  You're practically considering marriage, all right there.  Just kidding.  Honestly, though, the most beautiful and miraculous things can rise up out of the most simple and normal things.  That's what I loved about this movie.

The other half of that dialogue was made up of mostly an apology.  "Being there for someone when they need you the most... that's all that relationships are."  I don't think I need to reiterate that in five different ways to explain it.  But I definitely watched this movie again with a friend the other night, and it was great.  I'd definitely recommend.  Sorry if I spoiled it all for you.

Anyway, these were just some thoughts about it all.  Now, I'm going to make the photo for this post a picture of a shirtless Zac Efron to convince women and guys alike to read this post!

###

This is better than a subtweet.

Nice Guys

A good friend of mine asked me a question pertaining to his current relationship issue: "What's your take on this?  Do nice guys really finish last?"  My first response was going to be some wisecrack; "No, they finish quickly--so usually first--because they're noobs, and second, they never 'finish' because it never ends when it's with the right person.  Finishing whatever race it is isn't a concern or a priority."  Then I reminded myself it was a serious conversation.

I just simply replied, no, they do not.  And he was taken aback.  I suppose he assumed I'd have a different philosophy.  So, he questioned my answer.  He asked if nice guys don't finish last, then what is he doing wrong?  I responded, "Nothing, man.  It's just the wrong girl."  So, yes, buddy, this blog post is specifically for you.  It's my in-depth approach and philosophy to this matter of stupid, mean, and foolish girls, and these stupid, nice, and foolish guys that supposedly never win.

This is going to happen over and over again, but you can't change pace or what you're doing.  You can buy her the flowers, you can take her to the nice restaurants and to see all the new funny and/or romantic movies.  And hell, let's disregard the whole spend-money-on-her concept, and hop to the essence of the relationship.  You can respect her, give her freedom and control over her choices, actions, and life.  You can support her in each endeavor, encourage her when she feels down about things, and always be there.  You can be sweet, nice, and unconditional.  But she'll still probably walk out on ya.

This is no fault of your own, my friend.  You aren't doing a single thing wrong.  I suppose the only wrong decision you're making is that you picked the wrong girl.  She probably isn't ready for a serious relationship and her priorities when it comes to guys are so unrealistic or naive that she is just as blind as I am with one eye, when it comes to guys.

A lot of guys sit there and ask that question, "Do I need to start being more of a douchebag or mean?  Am I too nice?"

You're probably too nice.  And being a d-bag probably will help you attract a certain type of girl, but by no means will this amount to any lasting happiness or stability.

Because here's the thing, man; you're a good guy. You're a nice guy.  You're going to do whatever it takes to make her happy, whoever she is, and you can take care of her, stand up with her, and she'll love you for everything you are.  And if she doesn't now, I guarantee months from now she'll realize what she lost, what she's missing, and what she chose to toss away.

Will you be there waiting?  I hope not.  If she doesn't appreciate you for what you are now, and it takes losing you, you walking out of her life, and moving away for her to realize it, then it's 110% her fault, her problem, and something she needs to accept and feel shitty about.

Because I've been there.  I've tried so hard for someone, and watched her walk away. Whether it's because she thought freedom was better or because she believed the grass was greener with the parties, with the night life, and being young... she dropped me, this foolish, overly nice, and understanding gentleman, for that.

And approximately nine months later, I got a text message.  She realized what I'd been for her, and that all these guys walked all over her, used her, and treated her terribly, and she relapsed back to the last person who lifted her up, made her feel special, and showed her how wonderful of a person she is.  And I was already gone.  The realization hit her like the CTA going full speed.

And to be frank, these ladies will go on about what they want in a relationship.  Someone who'll eat pizza with them, be lazy, and stupid with, right? All these silly attributes that build up their naive expectation of what a serious relationship is supposed to be like.  Beyond that, some of these girls are so out of touch with how a gentleman should treat them, what the actually deserve, and what lasting happiness is, that they wouldn't see it if, well, hit them like the CTA.

Buddy, this girl.. you deserve better, and someone who appreciates what you do for her, and who you are.

And to the women out there that are sweet and incredible, and that aren't as blind as my dear friend's soon-to-be (hopefully not) ex-girlfriend, you're all probably in relationships, but this guy's accepting applications soon.

Because I know what a nice guy will do, not because it's what he's supposed to do, but because it's what he wants to do, and we aim for the consequential smile, giggle, and sparks.  Call us stupid, gay, or lame.  You can say it's a waste of time, money, or effort.  But we're the guys buying flowers occasionally not because of holidays or any nationally specified day for flower-giving, but because we want to. We're the guys planning wonderful dates and nights out not to ask her to a dance or marriage, but because it's a Thursday night, YOLO, and why the hell not?  We're the guys who'll care more about you than we actually like you.

Frankly, we're the nice guys who end up with the wrong girls too many times to the point that we lose faith in what we're doing.  But someday, my friend, you're gonna meet a girl who'll make it so obvious why it never worked out with all the others.  Someday, probably later as opposed to sooner, you're going to encounter the greatest thing, and it's all going to make perfect sense.  And ladies, you post about wanting a nice guy, and you question where we're at.  You kicked us out of your lives.  Wewere there but you thought Mr. Douche-pants was significantly better, more attractive, and could shotgun a beer better.

Don't change who you are on account of her not liking that.  Because we're the breed that doesn't ever finish the race. We're the guys that don't care about the finish line.  And it might seem like everyone else is working out and it's all going perfectly for everyone else.  But that's not true.

You're better than most, bro.  You're deeper and more thoughtful than most other guys out there.  And someday, you're going to realize why you're going through this right now, and it'll be because you'll meet a gem, a catch, who is practically perfect for you, and who'll appreciate all you are and all you do.  And your almost ex-girlfriend will face palm so hard because she's going to realize what she lost, what she chose to toss away, and she'll be the one regretting.

Chin up, man.  The best is yet to come.

(With the whole finishing the race thing, I want to point out I'm looking at is as an ending to a relationship or journey with it all.  Finishing would suggest an ending.  Happy endings are just silly.  We don't want these things to end, people.  Unrealistic as it may seem, we want it to last forever.  There's just an endless journey that we each want to set off on, no end in sight, and to travel these roads with our one true love, in a red Ferrari, towards a Californian sunset.  No happy endings.  Just ensuing happiness because we're where we want to be, we're higher, and for once we're not worried about the destination, but where we're currently at.)

Charizard

"You just can't sit there and put everyone's life ahead of yours and think that counts as love."

So, I used to believe this. Wholeheartedly. I figured if I went out of my way for people, did selfless things for others, and just put the rest of humanity first, that this was the best way to love others.  I was right, and wrong.  A lot of my closer friends think I'm too nice, too kind, and that I think too much about other people before putting myself first.

I'm walking this fine line where I begin to question why I put up with so much bullshit or so much inconvenience to the point that I'm practically unhappy.   One particular person never ceased to criticize me for this.  I feel like she judged me for it, looked down on me for it, and was just confused or intimidated by it.  And after trying to be an outsider looking in on the past few years, I begin to feel the same way.  Why do I keep doing this to myself?

I'll be late to work because I'm jumping some lady's car on Kimberly Road and get written up for it. I'll be close to broke, but I'll buy a guy a gas tank, a gallon of gas, so he and his family don't have to sit in front of a Taco Bell waiting for someone else to stop.  I'll push an old guy and his granddaughter's car up a slight hill despite my sports induced asthma, and ignore the fact I'm running late to a dinner date with a friend at the Lemon Grass Cafe.  I'll pick up drunk friends from parties and get them home safely, even if I gotta be up early or if I'm in the middle of things.  And yes, I'll drive out of my way to go to Indiana to be with a friend in the hospital, knowing it'll make for a rough night. (ha.)

But when my car's messed up off Arsenal Island and I'm pushing an '01 Chevy Impala up a hill, no one stops.  When I need someone to pick me up, no one answers their phone.  And when I hope or want something back, I'm empty handed.  But I keep doing it.  I keep going.  That part of my philosophy I have literally only explained to one person.  And I don't think I'll ever do that again, because I don't think they understood (see previous two posts).

Back to the original quote: this doesn't count as love, does it?

Not quite.  Selflessness versus selfishness... love is patient, love is kind.  It endures all things, bears all things... Hmm.

I like to think that putting someone else first is just one facet of it.  The rest relies on enduring it, no matter what.  And when I say "no matter what," I mean even if they steal from you, even if they lie, even if they cheat.  Even if the leave you and give up.  And those things I listed... that wasn't love. That was just being a nice guy.  I like to think it's practice.

No, my friends, love to me is being selfless when you need to, focused on yourself when you must, and enduring it all in the long run.  It's not wanting to be the only person who makes the other happy, but doing whatever it takes to do that.  So, to the individual that believe that this putting others first was my idea of love, it's just one piece of the puzzle. And everything I've already said is just that one piece combined with a few others.

Don't get me started.  And for the record, my choices and decisions to consistently put others first, while sometimes bothers me, ultimately makes me feel better, it just betters me in general, and I'm happy I do it.  It's worth every negative feeling, inconvenience, and write-up.  And I wouldn't want to live my life any other way.

I'd like to personally thank my dad, a lot of my friends, and every stupid hindrance I've encountered along the way that has taught me this.  Thanks. :)