Ice Buckets

.

[This post is going to be a whole lot of random.  Enjoy.]

To start, I wanted to talk about the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, and you haters with icy-cold hearts... 

So, I participated in the ice bucket challenge.  By reading this post, you're automatically nominated to take place.  Rules go as follows: you must donate $100 or dump a bucket of ice over your head and then you can donate something between $10-$20.  But seriously, it seems there's been a bit of hype about it, as it's gone viral on social media and people seem to disagree with the whole concept.  Let me offer you my humble and awesome opinion.  (See what I did there?)

Alright, so yes, dumping buckets of ice on oneself is definitely on the list of stupid things an individual can do before he dies.  And doing so is indeed wasting clean water and by no means directly helps people suffering from Lou Gehrigs Disease.  While it doesn't directly help people with ALS, it has raised millions in donations. Since July 29, approximately $40 million has been donated with more than 700,000 new donors.  And all this is, folks, is viral social media marketing at its finest.   Don't be so cold (punny, right?).  It's working.  It's raising money for ALS research, and people are donating to it who otherwise would not have.  And if you want my complete honesty, I had no idea what ALS was until I was challenged to do the video.

I suppose the only negative to it is the idea that ALS is a very rare condition and people have pointed out the money would be best donated elsewhere (like cancer or AIDs research).  Regardless, it's going to help a lot of people and scientists and coping with it and and reaching a possible cure or better treatments.

And to some older news... Mr. Robin Williams...

Last week, we lost Robin Williams.  He was a marvelous person, a brilliant actor, and hilarious comedian.  Before I dive into this segment of this blog post, let me take a moment to say that he will be deeply missed and my thoughts and prayers to go out to him, that he's in a better place, and to his close friends and family who are most likely hurting worst in all of this.  Everyone's searching Netflix and digging through their piles of VHS tapes and DVDs to find movies he starred in, as though his passing suddenly makes watching one of his movies the next best thing besides dumping ice on your face.  I've never felt inclined, honestly, to watch a movie specifically for him.  That doesn't mean I don't enjoy his performances.  But it seems to be a human condition where we give significance to or we simply care more for things when they're gone.  Why wait?  Care now.

More often than not, we just don't realize what we've got until it's gone.  In situations like this, Mr. Williams will be sorely missed and it's not something we can reverse.  Part of me thinks that if people expressed their profound love for him months ago, he might still be with us.  Another part of me believes that his depression inhibited any amount of love or care from changing his inertia or shifting his course away from this terrible destination.

With the circumstances surrounding his death, there have been some people stepping forward attempting to advocate for depression awareness.  I believe there have even been people ridiculing him for committing suicide, calling him selfish, and being totally subjective and ignorant on the whole situation.  I'm not psychiatrist so I won't even begin to try and diagnose or recommend how we can best help people with depression.  All I know how to do is being there for them and loving them for every bit.

I guess all I'm trying to say is to appreciate the people in your life and the things you have now.  And love with every piece of you, because you never want to have to ask yourself the question: "Did I do enough?  Was there something I could have done?"

Ferguson and our Corrupt Law Enforcement ...

I don't believe looting and rioting is the proper reaction for the issues taking place in Ferguson.  I'm tired of sifting through dozens of news article, statements by police, and whatever else the wonderful internet provides.  The facts are these: Michael Brown was unarmed, and shot multiple times by a Police Officer.  The officer reportedly has a fractured/crushed orbital socket, which was inflicted by Brown in a strike to his head.  Michael Brown was resisting the officer who was confronting him for robbing a convenience store earlier.

There are a few points I want to make about this entire situation:

1.  Hating all cops because of what happened is just as hypocritical and ignorant as hating all black people because of one black guy decided to do this:

2.  I shard that specific video for a reason.

3.  People aren't looting because of Mike Brown.  People are looting because they want the things they're taking, and they're taking advantage of the situation.  If they were that driven or passionate for justice, they wouldn't commit more injustice.  Or if that's their way of thinking, I honestly can't fathom that rationality.  I applaud the shop owners that have posted up in front of their property with their ARs.  And I guarantee if someone tries looting their store, there would be a significantly more violent outcome than Mr. Brown's death.

4. And again, not all the facts are out, yet.  Maybe the police department in Ferguson is racist and consists of white officers who hate black people.  Maybe the cop acted in the right way, and I suppose the city and whoever else gets involved in this legal process and investigation will eventually reach the bottom of it.  Did Mike Brown deserve to die?  I have no right to decide that.  Did the cop react the right way?  I don't know.  I wasn't there and I am not him.  If a dude crushed my orbital socket of my only good eye, would I react with equal or worse force to protect myself?  Yes.  I would.  Are the police handling this situation in the right way?  I don't know.  I don't know all the circumstances or every little detail that's going on.  There are still many things that are unknown and facts that haven't been revealed yet.  I say we need to let this situation defuse, allow the family and his friends to mourn in peace, and go about your own life.

Also, here's a video of a situation where a cop approached a vehicle he pulled over, and things turned deadly very quickly.  Before you jump to conclusions about the precautions officers take to protect themselves, keep this in mind.  You have a right to privacy and to your rights, and the officer definitely has a right to go home to his family each night.

Interesting thoughts on terrorists...

So, I'm reading this new book from the Halo series.  Yes, I'm a total dork/geek/nerd, and I'm not ashamed to admit it.  But one of the characters (I'm not sure if he's a total bad guy yet, because his cause is relatively just), starts out ranting about terrorism.  There's this idea that the term terrorism is a measure of magnitude, not morality.  I mean, our Founding Fathers technically employed terror tactics when they sought to free us of British rule.  Think about it.  You have only hundreds of followers who are part of your cause, so you can't do a ton of damage.  If the shoe was on the other foot, we would definitely default to terrorist-like activities, primarily due to the lack of manpower and the overwhelming force and size of the enemy.  "When your enemy is an empire and you're just a few guys, a handful of people, then the biggest punch you can land is terrorism.  That's all you got."   Morality has little to do with terrorism (because it is indeed war, so killing the enemy more or less is a given).  Anyway, I found it interesting.  If you're going to hate on terrorists, hate on their beliefs and the cause itself.  (Remember, I'm not saying terror tactics are completely moral because of the way you strike and the fact that you're killing people by doing it... but neither is bombing enemy cities or predator drone missile strikes).

Think yourself to success...

And I suppose just think about that for a bit.  It's true.  Some of the most successful people literally thought themselves there.  Speaking of success... it makes me think of power.  One of the staffers said they saw Mike Madigan for the first time.  And he was like, "The dude was so old and small.  I was thrown off."  And he's right.  Madigan is smaller than most people would assume he is.  Yet he's more than likely the most powerful man in the state of Illinois.  He probably thought himself to where he is at today.  I suppose it's  two step process; think yourself to success, then manipulate your way to power.

 

Some Terribly Random Dating Tips that aren't that Terrible

 

A fellow blogger and I got together and threw this one together over a week or so.  

1. You don't need a girlfriend to be happy.   In fact, if you believe this to be the case, you aren't ready for a dating relationship, my dear friend.  Your girlfriend, if and when you find someone willing to deal with who you are, should never be who completes you, but someone who adds to you.  She should be complementary, not necessary.  Living without that person, breaking up with them, or them leaving you should definitely make you upset or sad to think imagine or experience.  At the end of the day, though, you will survive, and you must allow happiness to ensue with or without.  If you can’t make yourself happy, how do you expect to make another person happy?

2. Nice guys don't finish last.  Losers finish last.  Don't be a loser.  The fact of the matter is that you can deliver the flowers, take her to her favorite restaurant, be there for her when she’s devastated or ecstatic, and be the best man for her a woman could ever want, and she could still find a reason to break it off.  You can be her best friend always searching for the right timing to make a move and try to elevate your friendship to the next level and then you’re friend-zoned (and now a moment of silence to our fallen brothers that have been plopped there).   It’s not because you’re too nice or not nice enough.  It is because she isn’t the right one for you.  Don’t ever buy into the idea that nice guys don’t ever get the girl.  Just be patient, hold tight, and, well, hurry up and wait.  Because one day, a girl is going to walk into that coffee shop you spend so much time reading your books and jamming out to Ed Sheeran at.  And that woman is going to make you see why it never worked with that one girl you did everything for, that one girl you had who left you, and that other girl who was your best friend that didn’t want to ruin the friendship by dating.  Don’t even worry about finishing or winning or whatever it is guys go on about… just focus on you, bettering you, and making yourself the best man you can be for this mystical coffee shop girl you’ll possibly eventually meet.

3. Don’t be hypocritical about appearances.  I absolutely have to include this one.  I’ve heard it too many times, and I’m not necessarily ashamed to admit I used to feel this way: ”I'm ugly but I'm a really smart and nice guy.  Pretty girls don't like me.  Why can't I date a pretty girl?” And my up-to-date response to that is it’s because you’re not good looking, duh.  Just kidding.  Seriously though, this is terribly backwards.  You don’t think you’re a good looking person, but you only want to date good looking girls? If you want to only date pretty girls, and you're aware of your flaws when it comes to your appearance, I’d say you need to reassess what you value in a possible partner.  Would you date a girl you deem less attractive?  Hmmm. If you honestly believe that true beauty lies within, then accept the fact that it also isn't a one way street.  And get your head out of your butt.

4. She isn’t perfect.  And neither are you.  (Or rather, she won’t be perfect, and you still aren’t, in case you’re single, which, by the way, isn’t a bad thing.)  If you think you’re flawless, you can eat that idea, digest it, defecate that, then eat it again.  Don’t be surprised when you wake up next to her and she has morning breath.  Guess what?  Yours probably smells worse.  This is when what most call the “honeymoon phase” ends, because you become more aware of the other’s flaws.  She’s obsessed with a genre of music you can’t stand.  She doesn’t shave her armpits.  She is really naggy and complains about how messy you are.  Maybe the biggest risk in dating is allowing someone to see the worst parts of you and they still say, “Oh, how lovely,” and choose to accept you for all you are.  I suppose I’m just giving you a warning about something you’re probably already well aware of.   Regardless, far too many of us are surprised or caught off guard when the imperfections start rolling out.  A person is a combination of both their pluses and minuses.  That’s what makes that said person beautiful, exquisite, and so intricate.

5. And to close, some dating destination tips.  Don’t ask her to pick the restaurant.  The feelings derived from this peculiar situation is equivalent to trying to watch a YouTube video on dial-up.  I’d suggest either eating something prior to seeing her, so it’s not an issue, or planning ahead and not spontaneously deciding to go eat food.  Seriously.  This problem has ruined relationships. Take her to see a movie she wants to see.   Okay, so the chances that you’ll find a girl that enjoys a good thriller or action movie are slim.  That’s not a sexist thing.  If you’re a girl and if you’ll sit through Black Hawk Down and the Manchurian Candidate, more power to ya (and where have you been all my life?).  There is nothing wrong with a guy enjoying a good chick flick.  The Fault in our Stars was good.  I even read the book, which was better.  Even if you hate that nonsense, it’ll prove to her you’re willing to step out of your comfort zone to make her happy or to make her more comfortable.  And hey, maybe that would convince her to see the new Star Wars movie when it comes out at the end of this year.

 

And five more tips from Rebecca.  (Follow her on Twitter here) 

1. You don’t need a boyfriend, girlfriend, or anyone to make you happy. Like my co-author expressed above, you don’t need a partner to make you happy, and he’s absolutely right. If you think you need someone else to make you happy, then you aren’t ready for anything remotely serious. One of the hardest pills to swallow is that you need to love yourself before you love anyone else. This statement gets many eye rolls, but it’s something I’ve found to be true. If you’re not comfortable in your own skin, and if you can’t appreciate who you are, then what makes you think anyone else is going to do that for you? The problem is, when you rely on a significant other, or anyone else, to make you happy, you’re stuck with a huge question mark about who you are over your head. The source of your happiness is gone, so you’re left confused, sad, and unfulfilled. Who wants to feel like that? Not me. Be your own hero.

2. If you’re not having fun while dating, something isn’t being done right. My whole policy on dating is this: if you’re not having fun going on dates or seeing someone, then something isn’t being done right. Dating is meant to be fun.Whether you’re trying to audition potential life partners or you’re going on dates to figure out what you like or what’s out there, if you’re not having fun or enjoying yourself, there’s got to be something else going on. Figure out what you want, or reevaluate some of your dating choices. I have no shame in admitting that I was not having a good time dating at one point. It took some serious self-evaluation to figure out why, but it was definitely time well-spent.

3. It’s okay to be selfish. Don’t stop reading, hear me out. This is the most important piece of advice I give anyone when they’re out there, trying to figure out what they want in any aspect of their life. It’s okay to be selfish when you’re looking for what you want. How else are you going to find what you want if you’re not thinking about it? Relationships are work, and there’s mutual respect and some sacrifice that needs to be done. But, before you can give something you’re all, you need to know what it is you want in return, and you have to think about it. Don’t be afraid to ask yourself if this is going to make you happy. That’s the whole point of finding someone, you need to be able to make each other happy, but you need to know what makes you happy first.

4. Falling Off the Face of the Planet Syndrome needs to be stopped. I have countless friends, both men and women, that fall off the face of the planet for months after they decide to exclusively date someone. Even worse, there are some that get into relationships and cut everyone off. The only thing they do is hang out with their significant other. Yes, I get there’s a honeymoon stage. No, I’m not saying I haven’t been guilty of this, too. It needs to stop, though. We’re your friends, we get it. You’re happy, and we’re happy that you’ve found someone that makes you this happy. Yet, when we don’t hear from you for weeks, or you bail on long term plans, it’s taking friendship and throwing it down the drain. You’re disrespecting  the  relationships you’ve had for one relationship with someone you’ve just included in your life.  Don’t commit what Carrie Bradshaw called the “cardinal sin,” forsaking your girlfriends for your new boyfriend. Then, if a break up ensues, who are you going to have to lean on? The friends you bailed on, or haven’t texted for weeks? Many of them might not be that forgiving. From what I’ve learned, relationships are all about having a balance. Each person in the relationship needs their own life, with their own interests, friends, and so on. Then, you see how well you can create a life together, while still maintaining a sense of self. Remember, when (or if) that person bails, you’re going to need other things to fall back on, you know, like your own life?

5. This is your equal, not your Sugar Daddy or Mommy. Relationships are about balance. No one should have to pay for everything the entire time, or take the other person out constantly. I know that the old-fashioned rule is that the man should pay for everything, but it’s 2014, and those times are over. That mentality was built during at time where women didn’t work, or make much money on their own, where men were trumping top paying positions. There’s a new age of women working, and are inching closer (not fast or close enough yet, in my opinion), to making just as much, and in some cases, more than men. Just try and have mutual respect for each other, and not max out each other’s credit cards in the name of love. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to spend a bit on your honey, but don’t abuse it.

Peace (A Taste of Buddhism)

 

My mom and dad always warned me while I was growing up (I actually never really stopped and I still am) that this world is tough, difficult, and it is merciless.  With the amount of work required anymore to afford the cost of living, the rising prices of gas, food, and other necessities, and the obnoxious cost of tuition for education, it is easy to be weighed down.  Between our responsibilities and tensions in everyday relationships, losing our peace of mind is a regular occurrence.  In the first six months of 2014, I have experienced romantic woes, financial difficulties, and uncertain situations where I was unsure of any positive outcomes or happy endings.

Of course, I pushed through.  Falling is easy, they say, but rising from impact is the difficult portion of “the con (F.U.N. reference)” we call love.  Driving three hours on the interstate is therapeutic but I miss home with every mile I drive east.  Quitting my job was especially easy, but having a bit of self-confidence and focus to take on something new and different was intimidating and nerve-wracking.  At the end of the day, I struggled to find peace or be happy.

There is you and then there’s the rest of the world.  The past few years have conditioned me to become incredibly cynical and self-reliant, which can serve as both a blessing and a curse.  Those things can help me push through any difficulty and trial on my own, but I’ve built up walls which proves challenging when trying to build bridges or establish lasting relationships.

So, in the world as it is today, how can an individual find peace?  And when the proverbial excrement makes physical contact with a hydro-electric powered oscillating air current distribution device, how does one hold onto peace?

Buddha encouraged his disciples to pursue cultivation of Four Immeasurables (or virtues).  One of these four is something called uppekha, or in English, equanimity.  In the simplest of terms, equanimity refers to a state of being calm, balanced, and collected.  It’s being at peace with yourself and your life, whether things are falling apart or perfectly still.  To me, it means to accept life as it is; it is to be equal and in the middle.  Life has a tendency to pull us in different ways.  Whether it is between our wants and dislikes, praise or criticism, happiness or loneliness… It’s to keep your mind centered and balanced no matter how intense or still things are.  It’s accepting that life is as it should be, you are as you should be, and it’s acknowledging the past is past.  It’s looking towards yourself and letting yourself be.  Mastering equanimity will result at peace with oneself.

Even though things are as they should be, maybe not all is well.  Maybe you haven’t quite beat that level in Candy Crush Saga or you didn’t get the promotion you were hoping to get.  I believe equanimity carries more into just acceptance of the past and present, but a rather existentialist outlook on the future; accept things as they are, and move forward because you have the absolute power to change your destiny and better yourself.  I suppose accepting yourself as you are now isn’t necessarily saying, “I’m good, I don’t need to progress any further,” but rather, “This is me.  Now, where do I go from here?”  You are the result of your past, your accidents, and your choices… Accept this, and then the sky is the limit as far as what you choose to do next.

So, there is you.  And then there’s the rest of the world.  I’d reckon that a majority of conflicts we encounter are one of two main things: 1.) You have conflict in yourself, and that leads to conflict with others.  2.) You encounter a conflict with others, which results in a conflict in yourself.  It’s practically like what you learned in your high school English class regarding literature (if you want specifics, I’ve heard it taught with there being up to five types of conflict: man vs self, man vs man, man vs society, man vs fate, and man vs nature).  Having equanimity is good, but what about the rest of the world?

I’m going to drop another word that my ex-girlfriend (kind of?) believes I wouldn’t be able to pronounce (I actually can’t pronounce a lot of things, I sort of just struggle through every syllable and still try to sound like an intelligent human being [this also explains why I write as opposed to recording myself talk about these things] [I digress, end rant]); and that word is magnanimity (mag-na-nimity… seems easy enough…).   If Buddhism’s uppekah is accepting yourself, looking towards oneself in a collected and open manner, and letting yourself be, then magnanimity is accepting of others, and letting them be as they are.

Don’t get me wrong; this isn’t indifference towards the world, because you can definitely still care.  And it also does not mean to conform to other people’s beliefs and ideas.  Rather, it is the philosophy of understanding at best, respecting at worst, other people’s lives, lifestyles, and thinking.

I struggle with this especially with politics and religion (where most people clash and seemingly at least debate over, or when things get out of hand, they go to war and kill people over).  I’ve realized that disagreeing with another person’s decision to vote a certain way or reject the existence of God can be disheartening and disappointing, I’ve conditioned myself to, I suppose, tolerate these things, accept that I can’t convert or change people, and to allow people to do as they please.  At the end of the day, with me being the cynic I have become, they’re going to do it with or without my blessing.

It’s in our nature to react to the world around us.  Your phone vibrates in your pocket, and you instantly reach down to check it out.  Someone calls your name in a crowded place, and you look around towards the source of the voice to see who it is.  And I was always that kid in school who blurted out responses to the teacher’s question without raising my hand.  We respond.

Sometimes, we have tendencies to strike back, to put down, and to disagree.  We feel inclined to voice our opinion (the First Amendment certainly guarantees that right, does it not?).  We are so eager to argue, defend our views, and make others see things our way.  It’s a very Nietzsche concept; each individual wants to enact their will on other people.

I suppose the thinking and philosophy behind magnanimity asks us to allow others to be, to not respond in a negative or disagreeing manner or to try to change them.  Again, it’s not shutting out the world and choosing not to be yourself.  It isn’t choosing not to care, but rather, caring unconditionally and indefinitely.  Equanimity suggests allowing our feelings, beliefs, and self to happen and to be.  Magnanimity would be allowing that in others, and not enacting your will on someone else.

So, you ask, how does this result in peace amidst absolute chaos?  How can we go through life while attempting to apply these very Buddhist philosophies and still rest easy each night?

I’m going to drop a Star Wars bomb on you in 3… 2… 1…

“Fear is the path to the dark side.  Fear leads to anger.  Anger leads to hate.  Hate leads to suffering,” Yoda said.  Fear.  Anger.  Hate.  Suffering.  Four key negative emotions every one of us have experienced a multitude of times.  These are four feelings that so quickly overcome any amount of happiness, joy, or peace we have in our lives when we allow them to.

Equanimity would ask that we allow ourselves to be, and therefore allow ourselves to feel these things when they happen.  It would ask us, also, that we take it one step forward; don’t let them drive you, let the feelings happen, and let them go.

When you start getting fearful, find that middle ground and temperament where you view the situation objectively.  A lot of these thoughts rush through a boy’s head when he’s trying to ask a girl out: She might reject me.  She might not ever reciprocate feelings.  Subjectivity would evince that he should give up, walk away, and never try.  Objectivity suggests anything is possible, and the true loss is not trying in the first place. Avoiding emotions of any kind makes us less human, in my opinion.  Allow yourself to feel, even the negative things.  But just how magnanimity is allowing others to be, and not responding in a forceful or willful way, you should respond to fear in the same light.  Allow yourself to feel fear, accept the situation, and move forward without it.  In so many words, face your fear and drive right through it.

They say that a boat only sinks when it allows the water to flow onto and into it.  Your mind is just like a boat, and you’ll never sink if you never allow the negative things to manifest.  Fear can manifest.  And fear is just one example.  (Of course, fear will always lead to other things if you allow it to drive you and stick around, as Yoda suggests.)

Whether it’s unpaid bills, a really, really shitty ex-girlfriend, or a bad day at work, you can dwell on these things, and feel emotions such as fear and anger.  The fear and anger will always come, and in this philosophy, the best plan of action is to allow yourself to feel it, and let these things fade.  Face it, and then accept it.

“Yes, I made a mistake by dating her, and yes, it ended terribly and it would be fantastic if things were different.  But that’s how it is right now.  I’m angry.  I’m fearful.  I can feel hate tugging me in a darker direction.”  And that’s when you accept how things are, understand what the current situation is.  Don’t question it, don’t focus on the past, and don’t dwell.  Take a step forward.  Equanimity would be allowing yourself to feel, and allowing yourself to be.  Don’t fight the feelings, don’t run away, but face them.  And realize only you can better this, only you can change, and only you can rise up out of this.  Magnanimity would be allowing her to do as she pleases, live as she wants, and feel how she desires.  It would be respectfully allowing her to make her own choices--caring still--without any conditions, agendas, or intentions to enact your own will on her.

Equanimity and magnanimity is objectively accepting yourself and the world around you, respecting that life will simply play it’s course, and acknowledging this universe will carry on with or without you.  They’re realizing the present is simply a consequence and aftereffect of your past, and the only thing questionable, changeable, and within your control is the future.  They are taking that deep breath in any difficulty, recognizing what you can do to better it or worsen it, and saying, “This is me.  This is my life right now.  Where do I go from here?”

And peace, you ask?  Peace ensues, just like happiness.  Like everything else, just allow it.  (: