Peace (A Taste of Buddhism)

 

My mom and dad always warned me while I was growing up (I actually never really stopped and I still am) that this world is tough, difficult, and it is merciless.  With the amount of work required anymore to afford the cost of living, the rising prices of gas, food, and other necessities, and the obnoxious cost of tuition for education, it is easy to be weighed down.  Between our responsibilities and tensions in everyday relationships, losing our peace of mind is a regular occurrence.  In the first six months of 2014, I have experienced romantic woes, financial difficulties, and uncertain situations where I was unsure of any positive outcomes or happy endings.

Of course, I pushed through.  Falling is easy, they say, but rising from impact is the difficult portion of “the con (F.U.N. reference)” we call love.  Driving three hours on the interstate is therapeutic but I miss home with every mile I drive east.  Quitting my job was especially easy, but having a bit of self-confidence and focus to take on something new and different was intimidating and nerve-wracking.  At the end of the day, I struggled to find peace or be happy.

There is you and then there’s the rest of the world.  The past few years have conditioned me to become incredibly cynical and self-reliant, which can serve as both a blessing and a curse.  Those things can help me push through any difficulty and trial on my own, but I’ve built up walls which proves challenging when trying to build bridges or establish lasting relationships.

So, in the world as it is today, how can an individual find peace?  And when the proverbial excrement makes physical contact with a hydro-electric powered oscillating air current distribution device, how does one hold onto peace?

Buddha encouraged his disciples to pursue cultivation of Four Immeasurables (or virtues).  One of these four is something called uppekha, or in English, equanimity.  In the simplest of terms, equanimity refers to a state of being calm, balanced, and collected.  It’s being at peace with yourself and your life, whether things are falling apart or perfectly still.  To me, it means to accept life as it is; it is to be equal and in the middle.  Life has a tendency to pull us in different ways.  Whether it is between our wants and dislikes, praise or criticism, happiness or loneliness… It’s to keep your mind centered and balanced no matter how intense or still things are.  It’s accepting that life is as it should be, you are as you should be, and it’s acknowledging the past is past.  It’s looking towards yourself and letting yourself be.  Mastering equanimity will result at peace with oneself.

Even though things are as they should be, maybe not all is well.  Maybe you haven’t quite beat that level in Candy Crush Saga or you didn’t get the promotion you were hoping to get.  I believe equanimity carries more into just acceptance of the past and present, but a rather existentialist outlook on the future; accept things as they are, and move forward because you have the absolute power to change your destiny and better yourself.  I suppose accepting yourself as you are now isn’t necessarily saying, “I’m good, I don’t need to progress any further,” but rather, “This is me.  Now, where do I go from here?”  You are the result of your past, your accidents, and your choices… Accept this, and then the sky is the limit as far as what you choose to do next.

So, there is you.  And then there’s the rest of the world.  I’d reckon that a majority of conflicts we encounter are one of two main things: 1.) You have conflict in yourself, and that leads to conflict with others.  2.) You encounter a conflict with others, which results in a conflict in yourself.  It’s practically like what you learned in your high school English class regarding literature (if you want specifics, I’ve heard it taught with there being up to five types of conflict: man vs self, man vs man, man vs society, man vs fate, and man vs nature).  Having equanimity is good, but what about the rest of the world?

I’m going to drop another word that my ex-girlfriend (kind of?) believes I wouldn’t be able to pronounce (I actually can’t pronounce a lot of things, I sort of just struggle through every syllable and still try to sound like an intelligent human being [this also explains why I write as opposed to recording myself talk about these things] [I digress, end rant]); and that word is magnanimity (mag-na-nimity… seems easy enough…).   If Buddhism’s uppekah is accepting yourself, looking towards oneself in a collected and open manner, and letting yourself be, then magnanimity is accepting of others, and letting them be as they are.

Don’t get me wrong; this isn’t indifference towards the world, because you can definitely still care.  And it also does not mean to conform to other people’s beliefs and ideas.  Rather, it is the philosophy of understanding at best, respecting at worst, other people’s lives, lifestyles, and thinking.

I struggle with this especially with politics and religion (where most people clash and seemingly at least debate over, or when things get out of hand, they go to war and kill people over).  I’ve realized that disagreeing with another person’s decision to vote a certain way or reject the existence of God can be disheartening and disappointing, I’ve conditioned myself to, I suppose, tolerate these things, accept that I can’t convert or change people, and to allow people to do as they please.  At the end of the day, with me being the cynic I have become, they’re going to do it with or without my blessing.

It’s in our nature to react to the world around us.  Your phone vibrates in your pocket, and you instantly reach down to check it out.  Someone calls your name in a crowded place, and you look around towards the source of the voice to see who it is.  And I was always that kid in school who blurted out responses to the teacher’s question without raising my hand.  We respond.

Sometimes, we have tendencies to strike back, to put down, and to disagree.  We feel inclined to voice our opinion (the First Amendment certainly guarantees that right, does it not?).  We are so eager to argue, defend our views, and make others see things our way.  It’s a very Nietzsche concept; each individual wants to enact their will on other people.

I suppose the thinking and philosophy behind magnanimity asks us to allow others to be, to not respond in a negative or disagreeing manner or to try to change them.  Again, it’s not shutting out the world and choosing not to be yourself.  It isn’t choosing not to care, but rather, caring unconditionally and indefinitely.  Equanimity suggests allowing our feelings, beliefs, and self to happen and to be.  Magnanimity would be allowing that in others, and not enacting your will on someone else.

So, you ask, how does this result in peace amidst absolute chaos?  How can we go through life while attempting to apply these very Buddhist philosophies and still rest easy each night?

I’m going to drop a Star Wars bomb on you in 3… 2… 1…

“Fear is the path to the dark side.  Fear leads to anger.  Anger leads to hate.  Hate leads to suffering,” Yoda said.  Fear.  Anger.  Hate.  Suffering.  Four key negative emotions every one of us have experienced a multitude of times.  These are four feelings that so quickly overcome any amount of happiness, joy, or peace we have in our lives when we allow them to.

Equanimity would ask that we allow ourselves to be, and therefore allow ourselves to feel these things when they happen.  It would ask us, also, that we take it one step forward; don’t let them drive you, let the feelings happen, and let them go.

When you start getting fearful, find that middle ground and temperament where you view the situation objectively.  A lot of these thoughts rush through a boy’s head when he’s trying to ask a girl out: She might reject me.  She might not ever reciprocate feelings.  Subjectivity would evince that he should give up, walk away, and never try.  Objectivity suggests anything is possible, and the true loss is not trying in the first place. Avoiding emotions of any kind makes us less human, in my opinion.  Allow yourself to feel, even the negative things.  But just how magnanimity is allowing others to be, and not responding in a forceful or willful way, you should respond to fear in the same light.  Allow yourself to feel fear, accept the situation, and move forward without it.  In so many words, face your fear and drive right through it.

They say that a boat only sinks when it allows the water to flow onto and into it.  Your mind is just like a boat, and you’ll never sink if you never allow the negative things to manifest.  Fear can manifest.  And fear is just one example.  (Of course, fear will always lead to other things if you allow it to drive you and stick around, as Yoda suggests.)

Whether it’s unpaid bills, a really, really shitty ex-girlfriend, or a bad day at work, you can dwell on these things, and feel emotions such as fear and anger.  The fear and anger will always come, and in this philosophy, the best plan of action is to allow yourself to feel it, and let these things fade.  Face it, and then accept it.

“Yes, I made a mistake by dating her, and yes, it ended terribly and it would be fantastic if things were different.  But that’s how it is right now.  I’m angry.  I’m fearful.  I can feel hate tugging me in a darker direction.”  And that’s when you accept how things are, understand what the current situation is.  Don’t question it, don’t focus on the past, and don’t dwell.  Take a step forward.  Equanimity would be allowing yourself to feel, and allowing yourself to be.  Don’t fight the feelings, don’t run away, but face them.  And realize only you can better this, only you can change, and only you can rise up out of this.  Magnanimity would be allowing her to do as she pleases, live as she wants, and feel how she desires.  It would be respectfully allowing her to make her own choices--caring still--without any conditions, agendas, or intentions to enact your own will on her.

Equanimity and magnanimity is objectively accepting yourself and the world around you, respecting that life will simply play it’s course, and acknowledging this universe will carry on with or without you.  They’re realizing the present is simply a consequence and aftereffect of your past, and the only thing questionable, changeable, and within your control is the future.  They are taking that deep breath in any difficulty, recognizing what you can do to better it or worsen it, and saying, “This is me.  This is my life right now.  Where do I go from here?”

And peace, you ask?  Peace ensues, just like happiness.  Like everything else, just allow it.  (: