Nice Guys

A good friend of mine asked me a question pertaining to his current relationship issue: "What's your take on this?  Do nice guys really finish last?"  My first response was going to be some wisecrack; "No, they finish quickly--so usually first--because they're noobs, and second, they never 'finish' because it never ends when it's with the right person.  Finishing whatever race it is isn't a concern or a priority."  Then I reminded myself it was a serious conversation.

I just simply replied, no, they do not.  And he was taken aback.  I suppose he assumed I'd have a different philosophy.  So, he questioned my answer.  He asked if nice guys don't finish last, then what is he doing wrong?  I responded, "Nothing, man.  It's just the wrong girl."  So, yes, buddy, this blog post is specifically for you.  It's my in-depth approach and philosophy to this matter of stupid, mean, and foolish girls, and these stupid, nice, and foolish guys that supposedly never win.

This is going to happen over and over again, but you can't change pace or what you're doing.  You can buy her the flowers, you can take her to the nice restaurants and to see all the new funny and/or romantic movies.  And hell, let's disregard the whole spend-money-on-her concept, and hop to the essence of the relationship.  You can respect her, give her freedom and control over her choices, actions, and life.  You can support her in each endeavor, encourage her when she feels down about things, and always be there.  You can be sweet, nice, and unconditional.  But she'll still probably walk out on ya.

This is no fault of your own, my friend.  You aren't doing a single thing wrong.  I suppose the only wrong decision you're making is that you picked the wrong girl.  She probably isn't ready for a serious relationship and her priorities when it comes to guys are so unrealistic or naive that she is just as blind as I am with one eye, when it comes to guys.

A lot of guys sit there and ask that question, "Do I need to start being more of a douchebag or mean?  Am I too nice?"

You're probably too nice.  And being a d-bag probably will help you attract a certain type of girl, but by no means will this amount to any lasting happiness or stability.

Because here's the thing, man; you're a good guy. You're a nice guy.  You're going to do whatever it takes to make her happy, whoever she is, and you can take care of her, stand up with her, and she'll love you for everything you are.  And if she doesn't now, I guarantee months from now she'll realize what she lost, what she's missing, and what she chose to toss away.

Will you be there waiting?  I hope not.  If she doesn't appreciate you for what you are now, and it takes losing you, you walking out of her life, and moving away for her to realize it, then it's 110% her fault, her problem, and something she needs to accept and feel shitty about.

Because I've been there.  I've tried so hard for someone, and watched her walk away. Whether it's because she thought freedom was better or because she believed the grass was greener with the parties, with the night life, and being young... she dropped me, this foolish, overly nice, and understanding gentleman, for that.

And approximately nine months later, I got a text message.  She realized what I'd been for her, and that all these guys walked all over her, used her, and treated her terribly, and she relapsed back to the last person who lifted her up, made her feel special, and showed her how wonderful of a person she is.  And I was already gone.  The realization hit her like the CTA going full speed.

And to be frank, these ladies will go on about what they want in a relationship.  Someone who'll eat pizza with them, be lazy, and stupid with, right? All these silly attributes that build up their naive expectation of what a serious relationship is supposed to be like.  Beyond that, some of these girls are so out of touch with how a gentleman should treat them, what the actually deserve, and what lasting happiness is, that they wouldn't see it if, well, hit them like the CTA.

Buddy, this girl.. you deserve better, and someone who appreciates what you do for her, and who you are.

And to the women out there that are sweet and incredible, and that aren't as blind as my dear friend's soon-to-be (hopefully not) ex-girlfriend, you're all probably in relationships, but this guy's accepting applications soon.

Because I know what a nice guy will do, not because it's what he's supposed to do, but because it's what he wants to do, and we aim for the consequential smile, giggle, and sparks.  Call us stupid, gay, or lame.  You can say it's a waste of time, money, or effort.  But we're the guys buying flowers occasionally not because of holidays or any nationally specified day for flower-giving, but because we want to. We're the guys planning wonderful dates and nights out not to ask her to a dance or marriage, but because it's a Thursday night, YOLO, and why the hell not?  We're the guys who'll care more about you than we actually like you.

Frankly, we're the nice guys who end up with the wrong girls too many times to the point that we lose faith in what we're doing.  But someday, my friend, you're gonna meet a girl who'll make it so obvious why it never worked out with all the others.  Someday, probably later as opposed to sooner, you're going to encounter the greatest thing, and it's all going to make perfect sense.  And ladies, you post about wanting a nice guy, and you question where we're at.  You kicked us out of your lives.  Wewere there but you thought Mr. Douche-pants was significantly better, more attractive, and could shotgun a beer better.

Don't change who you are on account of her not liking that.  Because we're the breed that doesn't ever finish the race. We're the guys that don't care about the finish line.  And it might seem like everyone else is working out and it's all going perfectly for everyone else.  But that's not true.

You're better than most, bro.  You're deeper and more thoughtful than most other guys out there.  And someday, you're going to realize why you're going through this right now, and it'll be because you'll meet a gem, a catch, who is practically perfect for you, and who'll appreciate all you are and all you do.  And your almost ex-girlfriend will face palm so hard because she's going to realize what she lost, what she chose to toss away, and she'll be the one regretting.

Chin up, man.  The best is yet to come.

(With the whole finishing the race thing, I want to point out I'm looking at is as an ending to a relationship or journey with it all.  Finishing would suggest an ending.  Happy endings are just silly.  We don't want these things to end, people.  Unrealistic as it may seem, we want it to last forever.  There's just an endless journey that we each want to set off on, no end in sight, and to travel these roads with our one true love, in a red Ferrari, towards a Californian sunset.  No happy endings.  Just ensuing happiness because we're where we want to be, we're higher, and for once we're not worried about the destination, but where we're currently at.)