So, this past weekend, I went out with a friend to check out a bunch of the bars downtown. This is when I further solidified my self-examination and recent conclusion that I'm totally an introvert. It wasn't my environment. I can't do the whole, "let's go out, drink, and meet a bunch of random people," deal. Since then, a few people have asked me, "What the heck is an introvert? Isn't that a bad thing?" And, well, I don't think it is.
A lot of people will assume I'm relatively quiet and anti-social; my unwillingness to approach individuals in a bar or whatever, I suppose, can be seen as that. Don't get me wrong; I love to meet new people. The thing is, I'm never going to approach you. It doesn't matter if you're a pretty girl or if you're just a group of fun-looking people; I'm comfortable from where I'm at. First of all, the reason why I'm quiet is primarily because I do a heck-of-a-lot of observing. So, let's say there is a pretty girl over there. I'd love to meet her, but I'm gonna just sit fifty feet a way, glancing every couple minutes, but also going through every single possible outcome of me actually saying something, and imagining all the worst results. So, I'm sorry peoples; if you want me to make a "first move," it'll probably never happen. And I'm cool with that. I don't think it's a total scared or lack of confidence thing, I just think before I act a lot, and argue or logically talk myself out of doing things. Sometimes, though, I scare myself out of doing things that I probably should have done.
It's silly because those certain situations, along with times where I say something totally stupid or ridiculous without really thinking it through, haunt me and keep me up all night. Then I vow to never talk again. Which might be why I can be relatively quiet.
I guess another cool thing about us introverts is the idea that I pick my closest friends carefully. Part of the reason is the way I connect. Trust me, if you've met me for a first time, we're more than likely going to jump right into deep conversation. I'm not going to be afraid or shy to ask really uncomfortable questions like, "So, how do you really feel about your ex, even though it's been six months?" It doesn't really matter how long I've known you, I won't mind prying. It's not because I'm nosy, and it's not because I want to tell the world, but it's because I simply want to connect, and that's how I do it. And I want to know who you are. Because of my willingness to pick a person apart, to talk less, and observe and listen more, I can spot fakes easier. If you're insincere, I'll probably catch on very quickly. When I'm with people I am comfortable with or that I trust, though, you'd possibly mistake me for an extrovert because I can just as lively and funny as, I guess, regular people are.
I don't prefer large groups. Quality over quantity. I don't like parties or, as you read earlier, the whole club/bar scene. My ideal night is having a friend or two over, playing guitar, chatting about life, or watching a few movies. I'd rather go bowling with one or two others than a large group, just because of my desire and enjoyment of connecting. I understand I can't do that if there's a dozen other people. Sometimes, I prefer to do things alone. It's not because I hate people. Again, I am not anti-social. But I need time to wind down, be by myself, and just relax.
It seems that there is almost something overly deep on my mind, and I won't really want to delve into it if I'm not with my closest peeps. Anyway, I'm not for throwing myself in a single category, but I feel this "introvert" deal fits me best. They say that we excel in self-examination and improving our mental and emotional sides, but we lack and dwindle in interaction and relationships. They also consider people like me relatively self-centered. I think I do alright at figuring myself out, and allowing myself to think through things and, I guess, "be with my feelings," but I also don't think I lack in relationships. I just get deep fast, and I don't initiate a lot. I definitely don't consider myself self-centered. That might be self-centered, I guess, to say that. Oh well.
Anyway, I suppose I'm just mostly introvert. I decided to share a lot of this with you because some of you might think me weird, which is totally cool, because I believe I am, and I'm incredibly okay with that, and I just wanted to explain a bit about myself. A lot of this probably belongs on the "About Me" page, but whatever. Furthermore, I want to bring up a quote written by Plato, which I guess is a quote of Socrates. He says, "An over-examined life isn't lived, and an unexamined life isn't worth living." I've been spending a lot of my time doing some self-examination, and finding justification for some of the choices I've made, and figuring myself out. I wanted to share some of the results.
Beyond that, I want to encourage you to look at yourself. Which are you? Extrovert? Introvert? Ambivert? Who knows, maybe with further self-examination (of course not excessive amounts of it), I'll start to realize I'm actually more in between than anything else. Again, I don't believe anyone falls into a set group. See the movie Divergent. It's all about not belonging in one of the four (?) categories society was tossing people into, and wanting to be your own person.
So, I consider myself introvert, but I also understand that I am also my own person. I'm not going to let the walls of what I fit in best with hinder me or hold me back.
Figure out your patterns, your tendencies, and why you do what you do. Your story is far more interesting and wonderful to dissect, even when you don't think so. Let me know what you think!
Fact of the day: there is a really easy way to peel apples. And this probably works for potatoes. It's awesome. See video below:
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